Books and their covers

I love being proven wrong about a person. Some of my favourite moments are when moments of kindness come from people who look like they might be more interested in robbing you. Today I walked out of a store (OK, fine, it was Babies R' Us. I'm a walking cliche, so sue me) and as I did two young men were walking by. They looked like thugs, to be completely frank. One had his shirt off and he was tattooed on his chest and stomach, he was wearing a bandana and his friend was wearing baggy clothes and they were walking down the sidewalk like they owned it. They looked at me and said "Congratulations and best of luck to you with your delivery." They made me smile. Maybe they are thugs. Maybe if I wasn't pregnant and was walking down a dark street at night alone they would try something, but maybe not. Or maybe people aren't black and white and the same guy who mugs someone is also a doting father who would lay his life on the line for his child or anyone else's for that matter. In a city like this I have to believe in the gray area. I'm a good person but I don't always do what my conscience tells me. Also today I was walking down the sidewalk towards a guy who was smoking and he moved out of my way as I passed. A smoker actually paid attention to his surroundings. Of course yesterday I was on a crowded subway and no one offered me a seat until we were almost at my stop and which I point I didn't bother accepting (she then got off too, which made her offer a little less sincere in my book but whatever, at least she offered. And yes, more women have offered me their seats than men). But, I know that woman is not a bad person because she didn't offer me her seat, some people are just clueless. Paying attention is something I plan on ingraining in my child - not just for safety reasons but because it's just polite. Watch where you're going, notice who is around you, make adjustments if necessary, inconvenience yourself for a moment if it will make someone else's life easier and be appreciative when others do the same for you. While I recognize that being pregnant is not a handicap, I have certainly become ever more aware of people with special needs and how much the smallest bit of kindness can mean in someone's life.

Nephew update

Our nephew's condition is slowly, slowly improving and the outlook is a bit more positive. He is still on a respirator and could remain on it for as long as two more weeks, but he will not have to have heart surgery, something that was a possibility last week. The doctors have also recommended he go to a special needs pediatrician so that his milestones can be watched carefully for signs of developmental disabilities due to a possible lack of oxygen to his brain before he got to the NICU.

He's not out of the clear yet so please keep that good energy flowing his way and thanks for your support.

And for those of you wondering, all seems well with our baby. I was at 38 weeks yesterday. I have a check-up on Wednesday (getting them once a week now) but no imminent signs of an early arrival. He's officially a Libra (woo hoo!) and if we make it to Sunday he'll be an October baby like his Mom.

F@%*#d up

What is up with women killing other women for their babies? In addition to the story out of Missouri last week in which, fortunately, mother and baby survived and were reunited, there have been two other cases this week in which pregnant women were killed and their babies cut out of their wombs! How do you even fathom doing that to someone? I can't imagine wanting a baby so badly that I would kill for one. It's just yucky and disturbing and, well, yeah, just, really, really disturbing.

Please send prayers, good thoughts, etc.

My sister-in-law, Nicole, delivered her son by planned c-section on Monday and unfortunately, he is in critical condition with pulmonary hypertension, which basically means his lungs aren't functioning by themselves. Last night we were told he has a 70% chance of survival and while yes, that is a pretty good number, won't we don't know is if he has suffered any brain damage due to lack of oxygen. What has perhaps been most difficult over the past two days is that the baby was delivered in one hospital and transferred to another one 45 minutes away where he could get better care. Unfortunately, Nicole was not transferred with him and since she is recovering from the surgery has not been able to be with her baby for more than about 45 minutes since he was born. She is hoping to be able to check out today.

So, please keep Nicole and her family (she has a three year old daughter who is having a hard time understanding why "her baby" can't come home) in your thoughts, prayers, meditations, whatever. Fortunately, Rich's parents and his brother and sister-in-law are in the same area so she has good support around her but I can't begin to imagine how excrutiating this has been for her.

I Love/Hate NY

Sometimes this is the best city in the world and sometimes it just sucks. On Saturday I was doing some wandering around looking for lamps for our new place since we have almost no overhead lighting and only three lamps, two of which are on either side of our bed. I ended up with no lamps, but I got a step stool (we have lots of high shelves in our kitchen and our closets) and a small garbage can for the bathroom. Seeing as my items were cumbersome, I was starting to feel hot and tired and I was about 20 blocks from home, I decided to hail a cab. Ha! Ha! Ha! Joke's on you pregnant lady. Not a single cab would stop for me. I even had empty cabs passing me! I was incredulous and more than a little pissed off. I ended up on the stupid subway, sweating and huffing my way home.

Then today was completely the opposite. The guy handing out flyers on the street said "God bless you and your baby", another guy in Whole Foods insisted on helping me with my cart and people actually moved out of my way. I felt refreshed and my faith in humanity was restored. Also, I looked out my window this morning and a huge orange butterfly was floating by. A butterfly, seventeen floors up, in the middle of Manhattan. It brought a smile to my face.

Been awhile

It's been some time since I wrote anything substantial here. No excuses really, just a really bad case of self-absorption as the baby's arrival becomes more imminent and all I think about is "Are we ready?" There are still vestiges of our move hanging about - a few small empty boxes, some items casually left where they were put down when we moved them but not in any place of their own, no pictures on the walls, etc. Hopefully we will take care of those things this weekend. This Sunday I officially hit the 37 week mark which means if he's born anytime after Sunday he's considered full term. He's definitely moving around a lot and I have been trying to see if I am clever enough to determine which body parts I am feeling pushing against me. I can't believe I am going to be a parent. I've had feelings of panic lately, wondering if it's too late. It's like that moment of panic you have when you get on a really scary roller coaster ride - the bar comes down and the car starts to move and you think to yourself "Oh no, what have I done?" But at least you know you only have to make it through the next 2-3 minutes before you are back on solid ground. One doesn't get that comfort with parenthood. In fact, I imagine it only gets worse for awhile as the child learns to crawl, then walk, then run. At that point they can really hurt themselves. They can get hit by cars, they start school and can have people be mean to them, they become teenagers and we all know only too well the kind of trouble that translates to. Rich is already worrying about the assortment of drugs available to any young person in Washington Square Park a mere two blocks away. This from the man who starts every high school story with: "This one time when we got really high...".

So, those are the thoughts that consume me these days. That and I really hope I can breastfeed successfully. Fascinating, I know. In the meantime, there have been some good times had as the summer came to a close. I sat in line for 7 hours outside The Public Theatre to get free tickets to see Meryl Streep in Mother Courage. She did not disappoint. I'm very happy to say that I have seen her on stage. Kevin Kline too. He can pretty much do no wrong. He's doing King Lear at The Public this fall and I am hoping to find a way to go to that because it's one of my favorite plays and I would love to see him tackle that role.

We also went to Deana and Mike's wedding in the Catskills over Labor Day. Hurricane Ernesto made an unwelcome appearance in the form of relentless wind and rain but they had a great time anyway and now they can just relax and prepare to be parents themselves.

What else? We hung out with Karen and Ralph a lot last weekend which was nice since we hadn't seen much of them in a couple of weeks. I spent every morning of this past week volunteering for KEXP while John Richards was in town broadcasting his show live. That was really fun and I am so glad I am able to help out since I can't volunteer at the station anymore. It's truly a great station full of people passionate about good music and I encourage everyone to listen to them - on the dial at 90.3 in Seattle or at kexp.org everywhere else.

OK, I think that's enough catching up for one entry. I will try not to let so much time go by next time. Here's the most recent belly shot from Deana & Mike's wedding. It's kind of hard to see it but you can get the idea: