Well, hello there

Stating the obvious

2008-12-05T10:11:00.000-08:00

If any of you out there are still occasionally checking in to see if I have updated this blog, this is for you. It has been quite some time since I have written anything in this space and that has been a conscious choice. I realized that the blogs I enjoy reading the most have a central theme or message within them. Kelly Rae writes about her life as it applies to her art. Kat writes about her adventures in filmmaking. CB writes about her new life as an ex-pat living in Australia. I was feeling like my blog entries were too random. My original intent for creating the blog had been to detail my life in New York City. However, once Theo was born, my focus shifted dramatically and Lord knows there are more than enough "Mommy blogs" out there. So, until I figure out what it is I want to write about, how I want to focus this space, I am going to be taking some time off from it. Hopefully it will once again take shape.

Overheard in NYC

2008-07-20T09:51:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was in a bagel shop and a woman walked in to order an iced coffee. This is how she ordered it:

"I'd like an iced coffee, lowfat milk, one Equal, one Sweet n' Low but put the Equal and Sweet n' Low in last because if you put it in first it sinks to the bottom."

First of all, gross. Equal AND Sweet n' Low? Why? And exactly how sweet is your tooth? Before I curbed my sugar intake I would put one Sweet n' Low in my iced coffee and that was pretty sweet.

Second of all, I do have to give the woman props for knowing exactly how she likes her coffee. In this town where so many places add your milk and sugar for you (something I can't stand by the way), you have to be specific or your coffee can be undrinkable. I know from experience.

For more things overheard in New York go here.

It's back!

2008-07-18T09:59:00.000-07:00

This is one of my favorite shows on television and I am so excited it is back on. However, I think the producers and the editors are getting a bit predictable in their set-ups. I watched the first episode last night and I could pretty much predict that the person whose design initially seemed like a complete failure would make the cut and the person who was (one of) the cockiest in the interviews would be the first one eliminated. I also predicted that despite the fact that Blayne's outfit was HI-DE-OUS, he is playing the role of the quirky, flamboyant designer this season and probably won't be eliminated any time soon. This was the role Christian played last season but Christian had the chops and ended up going on to win. Based on his design last night, Blayne's got some work to do to prove himself.

Don't let me down Project Runway! Let's shake things up a bit please.

The unexpected

2008-07-17T17:54:00.000-07:00

You see a lot of things in New York City - crazy hair, crazy clothes, crazy people. One thing you don't see much of: a woman in a burka walking down the sidewalk. Given New York's large population and given what must be a huge Muslim community, I was surprised at my surprise. Why don't we see more of this here? I see plenty of Orthodox Jewish women with their long skirts, long sleeves, dowdy shoes and wigs (I just learned that they wear wigs because they aren't supposed to show their real hair - wow). But today was the first day I saw a woman in a burka in New York City.

Finally

2008-07-11T09:59:00.000-07:00

I finally watched the last two episodes of The Sopranos last night. I was prepared with my fear filter because some of the earlier episodes in the final season were very hard to watch. Some because of the violence and some because it was hard to let beloved/hated characters go or watch the ones I had hope for do something heinously unbelievable. As much as I can't stand to watch anything violent, I loved this show. It was so unbelievably well-written. The characters so complex. In one episode I could go from laughing at Carmella to being disgusted by her to feeling sorry for her. Edie Falco made that character. As an actor, I was consistently amazed by her ability to play Carmella without a hint of caricature or self-consciousness. She could be irate at Tony for his gangster ways but turn into pudding when he bought her an expensive watch. I loved watching Carmella and Tony manipulate their children without even realizing they were doing it and watching the whiny spoiled brats easily drop their angst in exchange for a set of car keys.

I won't spoil anything in case anyone reading this hasn't seen it, but the series finale was building to such a wonderful place in the last moments. I was so close to saying aloud "this is the best series finale ever" - a final look at the beloved Soprano family, a cheesy but awesome soundtrack making me want to laugh and cry, suspense up to the very last moments - when it ended abruptly. No Country for Old Men abruptly. I know I'm way behind, but I might have to spend some time reading old online discussions about this in an attempt to find my own closure.

So, farewell Soprano family. Thanks for a terrific seven years.

Blog paralysis

2008-07-09T09:45:00.000-07:00

I do not own a laptop. We have a desktop and Rich has a laptop for work (so he can take his work wherever he goes - yippee). Because I do not own a laptop, I don't really blog when I go away. This leads to blog paralysis when I get back because I always have intentions of coming home and writing about our recent trip, maybe posting some photos, but then I inevitably have a bunch of other stuff I have to do when I get home - laundry, housework, jetlag recovery, etc. - and I don't make the time to sit and write. Then I get back to my life and encounter things in my day that I think I should blog about but then I don't and I just further and further into my blog hole and start thinking I need to write a catch-up entry but that will take forever and spending that much time blogging gets daunting so I don't write and on and on the cycle goes.

So, my new philosophy is to stop thinking about my imaginary blog hole and just write. Sorry to all three of you who read this that you won't get the exciting details of taking a 10.5 hour flight with a toddler. I know it's killing you. I am back in the present moment and doing my best to stay here.

Shiny, happy people

2008-07-09T09:10:00.000-07:00

I love this video. Whenever I find myself thinking the world is full of people blowing each other up, I am going to watch this video to remind myself that 99% of people in this world are good and fun and love to dance just like everyone else. This video also makes me realize how neglected my passport is.

Courtesy of Karen

2008-06-11T08:35:00.001-07:00

Karen sent me this photo she took in Soho back in March. I'm an Oprah fan so she knew I would appreciate it. If you can't read it, it says, "help me oprah! i'm crazy".

Improv Everywhere

2008-06-10T11:07:00.000-07:00

These guys are genius:

Gwen vs. Gavin

2008-06-10T10:48:00.000-07:00

I've been watching videos for my freelance job as an online editor. Today I watched an abysmal video by Gavin Rossdale, former frontman for some sucky band and now best known as husband to Gwen Stefani. I don't love Gwen Stefani across the board, but the woman has showmanship, she has creativity and she shows what I think is a lot of herself in her songs and videos. Gavin? I don't understand the song, the video is all over the place - he's in the shower, he's running through a crowd, he's kicking a soccer ball, he's cutting vegetables, wha?

Anyway, you decide:

OK, on Gavin's video it says "embedding disabled upon request". I can't blame him. Here's the link though.

"18 million cracks"

2008-06-07T10:19:00.000-07:00

It's official: no woman president this time around. For me, there is something unbelievably sad about coming so close to seeing it happen. I'm confident I will see it in my lifetime but I had a lot of hope for Hillary. In my childhood I was surrounded by feminists and while I was taught there was nothing a woman couldn't do, as I grew older it became apparent there would always be more hurdles to overcome. The prospect of seeing a woman lead this country before I even turned 35 was remarkable to me. As Hillary said in her concession speech, we must remember how far we have come. We are only two generations removed from a time when women couldn't even vote.

Thanks for paving the way Hillary. Thanks for being an example to so many women out there and to so many girls and young women. Thanks for pounding away and putting those cracks in the hardest glass ceiling of them all. Let's hope it's not long before it's shattered.

Garden State

2008-06-04T10:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we spent the day in Princeton, NJ. Our friends and neighbors, Ellie and Josh and their two kids ages 4.5 and almost 2 used to live there and invited us to accompany them on a day trip. Rich played hooky from work, we hopped in our Zip car (love, love, love the Zip car) and headed to Jersey.

We started at Terhune Farms to do some strawberry picking. Theo was not into that particular part of the day as he was tired and hot but he was all about checking out the animals and climbing the tractors. We got gobs of berries, drank apple cider slushies (YUM!), fed hissing geese, saw some chickens and a bunny and then went into the town of Princeton. In town we ate at a local diner, got ice cream and the kids (and Rich) played in a great big fountain/wading pool. Theo was not happy to get out of the fountain despite the fact that he had lost his balance and went all the way under water a few times. He's turning into quite the water baby.

Theo slept the entire way home, went to bed a little after 8:30, Rich and I forced ourselves to eat something for dinner and then crawled into bed and were asleep before 10. It was a lovely, lovely day and so nice to get a break from the city. According to our friends we pretty much did everything there is to do in Princeton so it was a perfect day trip. I hope we can do more throughout the summer.

Waiting to exhale

2008-06-04T09:48:00.000-07:00

So he pretty much has the nomination. A black man is the Democratic nominee for President of the United States. I wish his parents were alive to see it happening. I have funny knots in my tummy. I want to cry with relief, with anxiety, with joy. I feel awful for Hillary. I admire her. I have always been prepared for her to run for president. And yes, despite the fact that most people in my peer group voted for Obama during the primaries, I voted for Hillary and I stand by my decision. I don't dislike Obama, far from it. I think he will be everything he says he will be. But I believe in Hillary too. I think she has suffered from dynasty fatigue. After 12 Bush years of the last 20 and the other 8 being a Clinton, this country really does want change - a name change if nothing else.

I think my stomach will remain in knots until the winner in the presidential election is declared. We can't afford to mess this one up.

So clever

2008-05-31T15:55:00.000-07:00

I stumbled across this blog today - ikea hacker. It's a site where people send in the ways in which they have improved or found unusual uses for IKEA products. It's everything from decorating drawers to using cushion fabrics to make skirts. As the owner of many an IKEA product, I appreciate these ideas and only wish I had more time and work space to try more of these out myself.

Thanks for the laughs

2008-05-30T18:09:00.000-07:00

Today I clicked on Kat's blog and saw the sad, sad news that Harvey Korman passed away today. I imagine he's already got the angels in stitches. I am just barely old enough to remember watching the Carol Burnett show and the mere thought of him on that show makes a laugh start to rise in my throat. We'll miss you, Harvey.

"I pee"

2008-05-28T17:18:00.000-07:00

"I pee" goes down in the non-existent baby book as Theo's first sentence. I don't think he actually knows the pronoun "I" and I'm pretty certain he doesn't know how to use it correctly in a sentence and yet, I'm pretty sure that's what he said and he had, in fact, peed.

Just after bath and pre-jammies he was running around naked. Rich was cleaning up the tub, I was getting his pajamas out of his dresser and Theo came into his room and said to me "I pee."
I said, "You peed?"
"Uh huh."
"Can you show me where?"
I followed him to the doorway between the bathroom and our bedroom where he points. At first I didn't see anything so I thought he was just saying that since he had been sitting on his potty earlier that day or maybe he said something completely different like "apple" or "airplane" both of which sound like "ah pee" when he says them. But then I tilted my head to change the angle of the light on the floor and sure enough, there was a little puddle. I was actually nothing but proud and amazed at my little boy at that moment.

Am I missing something?

2008-05-28T08:38:00.000-07:00

For the third time in as many days I have seen a woman walking down the street wearing a tiara. Is this some new fashion trend I have missed hearing about? They have been three very different women: one Asian, two white and spanning in age from their 20s to their 40s and none of whom looked like they had just stepped out of the pages of Vogue or anything. It's very bizarre.

One good thing about winter: it hides some of the worst fashion crimes out there. With the on-set of summer weather New Yorkers are revealing their true colors and sometimes that means revealing a little too much. I'm no badge-flashing fashion policeman and Lord knows I'm sure I make my own mistakes, but I think mine tend more toward the less figure-flattering variety rather than the figure-flaunting. I'm all for celebrating all body types and all, but some figures should not be flaunted. Others can be flaunted but maybe not in black fishnets, knee high boots and denim shorts that are basically underwear (true story).

Maybe it's not me

2008-05-27T09:00:00.000-07:00

I think there is something wrong with my oven. How hard is it to screw up chocolate chip cookies from the recipe on the back of a bag of chocolate chips? I think it must be pretty hard but I seem to have figured out a way. That's why I'm thinking it's my oven's fault. Maybe I have an oven demon that eats all the goodness out of food. What would you make of that Joss Whedon? Buffy never slayed a kitchen demon, unless you count Ted, who did make excellent chocolate chip cookies...

Vomit comet - update

2008-05-27T08:53:00.000-07:00

So, it turns out something went wrong on the ground and this guy's $200,000 dollar helium balloon floated away without him. Here's the story. While I personally would never, ever want to do what he is planning, I'm disappointed for him. I can't imagine coming so far and then watching your dream literally float away from you before your very eyes.

Same old song

2008-05-26T19:11:00.000-07:00

Tonight I was watching a little bit of a Top Chef rerun and I cracked myself up when I pictured myself on that show. I can get so ambitious in the kitchen and usually my meals turn out mediocre at best. In general I've been a bit more lucky with baking but tonight I tried to make these homemade granola bar thingies for Theo and they are a complete disaster. I basically just made granola with a bunch of stuff in it. Sigh. Once again, I put out my appeal to the universe: send me a personal chef!

Vomit comet

2008-05-24T08:32:00.001-07:00

Um, this story in the New York Times makes me want to lose my lunch. I don't think I can begin to get into the mindframe of someone who thinks this is a good idea.

Michael, Michael Motorcycle

2008-05-18T17:04:00.000-07:00

Mike and Jackie came to town this weekend and over dinner last night Mike said, "I read your blog the other day. I'm not mentioned at all." He said it as a joke, of course, but here, Mikey, is my homage to you:

Mike and I became friends our sophomore year in high school. This coincided with the year Mike's star was on the rise, so to speak. He wasn't yet THE hottest boy in school because A.G. was a senior and definitely held that title, but Mike was a close contender. I'm not sure what happened that year, but there was a strong coalescence of friends and the group of us became inseparable for the next year or so until the parents of one person in our little family decided most of us weren't fit to be friends with their daughter.

I was certainly not immune to Mike's long dark hair, "fuck-me" eyelashes (as Kurt used to call them), good taste in music and odd sense of humor. Somehow - I'm still not sure how I finagled this - I convinced Mike he needed to drive me to school. I have an October birthday so while all my friends were turning 16 and learning to drive in 10th grade, I had to wait until 11th grade before I could drive myself anywhere. Anyway, because Mike and I were friends I didn't think much of the fact that I got to drive to school and back with him every single day. I'm sure lots of girls envied me. Sure, I thought he was cute and all that, but he also starting dating one of my very good friends so instead of crushing out on him like I did most other cute boys, he simply became a very, very close friend.

Mike also had an older sister who had even older friends (i.e., able to purchase booze) making his house a great party house. His parents regularly left town and he had a pool. Need I say more? I learned how to play a lot of drinking games at Mike's house. *(Um, I've heard that Mike's mom sometimes reads this blog so if you're reading this Marilyn, I hope this isn't new news to you and if it is, that we're all old enough now that you can laugh at it).

Mike also had an annoying dachsund named Pepper that no one except Mike's mother liked. When she died none of us were particularly sad about it. (Again, sorry Marilyn)

Mike drove the Golden Nugget. No idea what kind of car it really was. It was a stick shift, it smelled like cigarette smoke and we used to listen to Smashing Pumpkins (Gish), Jane's Addiction (all of it), Red Hot Chili Peppers (pre-"Under the Bridge"), Soundgarden and Pearl Jam very, very loudly.

Mike, Ali, Kurt and I went to the very first Lollapalooza together. Looking back, I can't believe my mother let me drive to Orlando for an all day concert and spend the night in a hotel room with three boys. I love you, Mom, for letting me do that. Of course, Mom knew each and every one of them and knew we were all just friends but still.

I learned that Mike gets really cranky when he's hungry.

Mike and I went to senior prom together. By this time he and my friend had broken up (friend of the aforementioned ridiculous parents) and I was in a state of semi-crush. We decided that if we had no other dates lined up by a certain time we would just go together. I knew that Mike had his eye on S.D. who was breaking up with M.C. but had already agreed to go to prom with M.C. I was also in a state of semi-crush with M.C. but he pretty much still only had eyes for S.D. The worst part? Everyone thought S.D. and I were sisters yet here were these two cute boys making puppy eyes at her leaving me feeling like chopped liver. Anyway, went to prom with Mike, nothing magical happened between us and after prom he and S.D. started dating anyway. Figures.

Shortly thereafter we went away to college: me to Boston, Mike to Gainesville. He and S.D. broke up eventually and Mike and I started a really lovely correspondence - back in the day before email so there was still the excitement of getting a really terrific 4-page letter in the mail full of a friend's handwriting. I think we were on the verge of something more than friendship when he suddenly started dating one of my best friends who was also in Florida. I think at that point I kind of gave up on waiting around for him and turned to Boston boys for my crushes instead.

At one point Mike decided to live in a trailer in the woods of Tallahassee.

Many years have gone by since we were in high school and throughout those years Mike and I have drifted in and out of touch. We would always see each other at the holidays, we both ended up in Tallahassee at one point, I moved to Seattle with Rich, he moved to Austin then Boston with Jackie. He came to our wedding. Now that we are in New York and he is in Boston we have seen each other a lot more and it seems a new branch to our friendship is starting to grow.

In many ways he's still the same Mike although now he makes a mean cocktail, lives in a beautiful home light years away from his trailer in the woods, has a wife that cracks me up and has a sweet dog named Addie that everyone loves. Do you still blast Gish in your car Mike? Anyway, I love you Michael, Michael Motorcycle and I'm glad you are still in my life.

Marketing madness

2008-05-16T19:19:00.000-07:00

I went to Toys R Us today to buy some new things for Theo for our big trip to Greece next month. All I wanted was some stickers, some coloring books, maybe some cars or trains or some other fun little things. Do you know how hard it is to find anything anymore that doesn't have some tie-in to a movie or TV show? Everything is Dora the Explorer, Thomas the Tank Engine, Speed Racer, Spiderman or whatever the summer blockbuster/hot educational show du jour happens to be. It's everywhere and it's really depressing. Even when I try to buy my kid a toothbrush it has to have some character on it. Has it always been this way? Was I just oblivious to it as a child because I was so absorbed in the marketing myself? Am I getting too worried about this stuff? I just don't want my child to be a commercial. Why do I have the feeling I am going to have to let that go?

Do you really have nothing better to do?

2008-05-15T10:12:00.000-07:00

I read this in the New York Time today. Arlen Specter wants to investigate the whole Patriots videotaping scandal. I was against the time and attention Congress spent on baseball and I am equally if not more incensed that a Senator would seriously consider this kind of investigation a good use of time and money. Are you really that desperate for re-election Senator Specter? Just retire already and make room for someone who gives a damn about something important.

Summer vacation

2008-05-15T08:53:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was NYU's commencement so for the past week or so as exams finish and the students start to leave, I have been seeing parents parked on the street loading up the cars full of stuff and preparing to take their kids home for the summer. Seeing this makes me wistful. I had to fly to get home from college so I never had that experience of being "picked up" at the end of the year. But I remember that feeling of packing everything up, saying goodbye for the summer and looking forward to spending the next few months hanging around my mom's house, working some summer job that paid enough for gas, food and maybe a little bit of savings for the next school year and just generally taking it easy.

Seeing all these kids going home for the summer made me wish that my mom or dad would just come pick me up and take me home. I miss that time when I was done with school for the year leaving me with a limited amount of responsibility - no papers, no exams, no projects and reading only books I wanted to read. But most of all, those summers were a time when someone else was the grown-up. Someone else worried about bills, groceries, meal planning, housework. Sure, I did my share to help around the house but for the most part my summers were so easy.

Now I'm the grown-up. I have a child to raise, a house to keep clean, laundry to do, a marriage to tend, bills to pay, ambitions to sort out. It all happens and it's all a part of becoming the person I am now and the person I am growing to be, but it sure would be nice to have the summer off.

Yay Whitney!

2008-05-14T18:45:00.000-07:00

Yes, I watch America's Next Top Model. Not only did Whitney win and not only is she the first "full-figured" model to win, but she's from Atlantic Beach, which is basically Jacksonville. Congrats girlfriend - make us famous for something other than Lynyrd Skynyrd and the Jaguars.

R.I.P. Robert Rauschenberg

2008-05-13T12:23:00.000-07:00

It's rare but...

2008-04-24T17:01:00.001-07:00

...New York actually smelled good today. Everything is in bloom right now and it's not quite hot enough for the smell of urine and garbage to start steaming up from the sidewalk. Today it was all cherry blossoms and other yummy smells filling the air. Thank goodness spring is finally here.

Happy Earth Day!

2008-04-22T13:01:00.000-07:00

I hope everyone is taking some time today to think about how to reduce waste in your life. Stop drinking from plastic bottles, reuse, recycle, buy organic when you can, drive less, turn off lights and just be conscious of the decisions you are making in your daily life. It's hard in this world we live in today but we also have more options than ever and we have power as consumers.

Think globally, act locally.

What happened, Janet?

2008-04-22T12:53:00.000-07:00

I'm doing some online editing work involving subtitles for online videos and I was recently assigned Janet Jackson's new video. Not only is the video itself horrible but the song is completely absurd. OK, we get it Janet. You're liberated from your parents and you're very, very sexual. Enough already. Since when do people describe something as being as heavy as "a first day period"? Gross!

I'm disappointed Ms. Jackson.

Exhausted

2008-04-13T16:59:00.000-07:00

I am so very, very tired right now. Theo is finally asleep and I don't even have the energy to cook myself supper. I was going to do some freelance editing work that Karen threw my way but I don't even know if I can find the focus.

Today was hard. Our first day without Rich, finding stuff to do this afternoon and then doing too much leaving us both cranky and hungry with only one of us able to articulate that condition. I also felt a lot of negative energy coming my way today. Leaving the locker room after Theo's swim class I guess we were moving to slowly because this young woman shot daggers at me as she walked around us. It was weird and completely unexpected.

I also really, really, really need and want a haircut.

Go Manny, it's your birthday!

2008-04-12T18:01:00.001-07:00

Thanks Manny! You are one weird dude but you helped us beat the Yankees this afternoon. Please play this well on Wednesday when I get to see you at Yankee Stadium.

Arrivederci, amore mio

2008-04-12T16:57:00.001-07:00

Tonight Rich left for a conference in Bertinoro, Italy. Far from being excited to go to Italy, he is sad to be leaving Theo and me and stressed about all the work he is leaving behind. He will arrive tomorrow afternoon, spend three days there and then turn around and come home. It's hardly a relaxing trip. Theo and I will miss him terribly but fortunately I have planned some fun activities for myself so I don't go crazy.

A little blue

2008-04-11T10:24:00.001-07:00

I'm feeling a little bit blue today. No particularly good reason, just a bit off. I had a weird interaction with an online community I am part of so that has me feeling a bit funny, I stayed up too late, yesterday was full-on warm and gorgeous while today is gray and threatening rain and my head is feeling a little fuzzy thanks in part to all the wonderful flowers starting to bloom. I need to go take a shower and eat something other than Samoas (I just ate the last two, thank God). I'm ready for the weekend but in this case it means Rich leaving town for five days and that sucks too. Fortunately I think I found a great babysitter for Theo who also does housework while he's napping so I'm hoping that will help all around - some time to myself a few hours a week and a cleaner house to boot.

On becoming my mother

2008-04-09T09:44:00.000-07:00

Last night I made tuna fish casserole. I never thought the day would come that I would actually make tuna fish casserole. I love my mother and she is many, many wonderful things however a cook is not neccesarily one of them. It's not that she's bad, it's just that, like me, she doesn't have "the touch" and we both lack imagination in the kitchen. After my parents (mom and stepdad that is) split up, I have little memory of her cooking at all, but prior to that my dinner memories consist of pretty much the same rotation of meals: spaghetti with meatballs, meatloaf, tacos, sloppy joes (which I never liked and, even if I ate meat, would still hate to this day) and tuna casserole. Now that I am a mother and trying to plan meals, I understand my mother's rationale for these meals. They are all pretty fast and easy and most of them revolve around ground beef which is cheap and easy to cook. When you have two children and a husband who comes home for about an hour to eat dinner (my stepdad was a TV anchorman so he would come home to eat dinner in between the 6 and 11 o'clock news), you cook what works. These days I don't think my mother would touch any of the aforementioned foods. Her long-time partner is a great cook and my mom has realized she makes a terrific sous chef. But my road is only just beginning. I want to be a better cook and I'm trying, I really, truly am but maybe I would be better off getting a job that affords the luxury of hiring a chef. Hell, it would probably be easier.

Evil

2008-04-07T11:13:00.000-07:00

This is a Samoa Girl Scout Cookie. It is hands-down my favorite GSC. Earlier this year when I was in Austin, Kat informed me that they started making ice cream flavors for GSCs. I flipped. I started imagining what Samoa ice cream would taste like. Would it be vanilla ice cream with swirls of caramel and chocolate mixed with coconut or would it just be vanilla with chunks of the cookie? (I was hoping for the former although my friend Deana's fantasy was about the latter). I couldn't find this ice cream in New York. I know, New York City - what can't you get in New York City? Girl Scout Cookie ice cream apparently. Then I went to Jacksonville to see my mom and I told her that when we went to shopping, we had to look for it. Good old Publix. There in the ice cream section was one last gallon of Samoa ice cream. I was dancing in the aisle I was so excited. Fortunately, the ice cream did not live up to my fantasy. I say fortunately because if I can't get it at home, I don't want to be dreaming about it anymore (yes, I actually had a dream about finding this ice cream). It was a combination of both my fantasy and Deana's. It had the swirls and the coconut but also chunks of the cookie. Ultimately the downfall was that it just wasn't high quality ice cream. It would have been better if Ben & Jerry's had done it instead of Edy's.

With my ice cream fix out of the way, I put Girl Scout Cookies out of my head. Girl Scouts don't hang out on the corner hawking their wares, at least not in my part of Manhattan, so it's been pretty easy. I thought GSC season had come to an end. I thought wrong. I met Miss Karen for brunch yesterday and she says "I have a present for you." What does she pull out of her bag but a box of Samoas. Damn you Karen Browning and God bless you! Now, the damn things are sitting on my kitchen counter staring at me. First ingredient: sugar. Second ingredient: partially hydrogenated vegetable oil. Yeah baby. Yesterday I limited myself to one. Today, I've had two which is my absolute limit for one day. Rich said "you shouldn't eat those things" but what's a girl supposed to do?

Early morning, April 4

2008-04-04T10:15:00.000-07:00

Today marks the anniversary of the assassination of Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King. A man of mixed race is running for President. We still have a long way to go in realizing Dr. King's dream, but would we have come this far without him? Thank you Dr. King, for all that you did for this country.

Chinese water torture - for parents

2008-04-03T17:12:00.000-07:00

The Chinese may have mastered the art of using repetition as a torture device but I think their method is just a variation on the original - the incessant whine of a toddler. I don't know what was up with him today, but ALL DAY LONG Theo was making this sound, a sound that has become to me like nails on a chalkboard, like utensils on a plate. Describing it won't do it justice but he takes a basic sound like "uh-uh" and mixes it with a sense of urgency and a twist of whine. Things he was perfectly capable of reaching himself, he would point at and say "uh-uh!". Things he couldn't reach - "uh-uh!" Pointing out the window, trying to pick a picture up off the page of a book (something that really frustrates him), wanting me to turn on the TV, something he wants to eat, doesn't want to eat, you name it, that was the sound he used to tell me about it.

I know I'm not the only one dealing with this. A friend recently told me it makes her stomach turn when her son makes that noise. Other friends roll their eyes in empathy. Every time he does it I try to give him the word "help", "up", "more", "please". I've had a few successes and I know we'll get there eventually, but in the meantime I can't believe I made it through the day without locking myself in my room in a desperate attempt to escape that noise.

Crete, June 2008

2008-04-01T11:07:00.001-07:00

Rich was invited to speak at a conference in Crete, Greece in mid-June and Theo and I are going with him. I bought the tickets today. I am so excited for this trip. I am dreading the actual trip itself with a 20-month old, but I can't wait to be there and I think more than any trip I have taken in recent years, I can't wait to EAT there.

Playground bullies

2008-04-01T10:57:00.001-07:00

Today we ended up at the playground at Washington Square Park. Theo was having a good time, playing well with the other kids, being a good boy. There was a little boy (around 4-5) standing at one of those wheel thingies they have on these jungle gyms, the kind where you can pretend you are steering a ship or something. There was an empty one next to him so Theo, besotted as he is with big kids these days, went up to the empty one and was turning the wheel while gazing adoringly at this "big" kid. The little boy's friend, a girl, came up behind them and the boy said "Hey, come take this wheel away from the little boy!" and she did! She pushed Theo out of the way and grabbed the wheel. Theo was understandably upset and I attempted to talk to the kids, saying "can you please share?" and "that's not very nice" but they talked right back to me and refused to budge. I was so infuriated by these two I had to bite my tongue not to call them little brats who should be ashamed of themselves. I wanted to stomp over to their mothers chatting on the bench and tattletale in defense of my little boy. But I didn't. Theo was easily distracted, I apologized to him loudly saying "I'm sorry those kids aren't sharing and playing nicely" and then, admittedly, there were a couple of times the little girl made defiant? guilty? eye contact with me and I shot her a dirty look. Yes, me, 33 years old, shot a dirty look to a 4-year old. Don't judge until you've been there yourself.

April Fool's

2008-04-01T10:55:00.001-07:00

So Theo did this thing this morning where he woke up at 5:30am. Ha! Great joke little man! Problem is, he doesn't quite have the nuances of this day worked out because he forgot the part where he says "April Fool's!" and goes back to sleep. We'll have to work on that.

The real deal

2008-03-24T19:47:00.000-07:00

Today Theo and I went to a playgroup at someone's apartment in the West Village. I was getting something out of my stroller when I looked up at her bookshelf and realized there four - count 'em - FOUR Emmy awards on her shelf. She used to be a producer for Reading Rainbow and that's what she won them for. I so desperately wanted to ask her if I could hold one but I don't know her well enough so I didn't. Crazy, and also so awesome.

My battle with the kitchen

2008-03-20T10:45:00.000-07:00

I am not a particularly good cook. This has always been annoying to me but now that I have a child I have to cook for it's downright frustrating. It doesn't help matters that I am a vegetarian and we are not raising our son as one. All these moms who cook chickens and meatloaf for their kids can eat the same thing for dinner or, if their child looks at them and throws it on the floor, they don't think to themselves "Wow, I'm so glad I stuck my hands in ground cow's flesh to cook you a meal only to have you refuse to eat it". Getting Theo to eat pasta was a minor victory but now I have come to rely on it too much. He'll eat the noodles with butter and salt but I still doubt he will go for something as complicated as ravioli. Tonight I might try a small frozen pizza to see how that goes over. I once tried an English muffin pizza and I ended up eating that myself. If he'll eat a frozen pizza then there is hope I might be able to experiment getting some vegetables in him.

Then there is the food for Rich and me. What to cook for us? I have all these cookbooks but I get so bored with them and some of the recipes are so complicated. I also hate taking the time it takes to make a really good meal. If I can't cook the same meal for Theo and for us, that means I'm not cooking our dinner until at least 7 which means no dinner until at least 8 and by then I am ravenous. I've always said that if I had enough money to hire staff, a personal chef would be one of my first indulgences.

Feeling ill

2008-03-19T18:39:00.000-07:00

I just found out that a little boy from our neighborhood died this morning. I don't know him or his family but I know that he was almost two and his mother was part of an online mothers' group that I belong to. We have not been told of the cause of death, only that it was natural and the friend who told us will give us more information when she gets it.

Almost two. That's almost Theo. It is devastating, shattering. I gave Theo an extra tight hug tonight when I put him to bed. He could stay up all night crying and I wouldn't care. Tonight, as I mourn for that little boy and his family, I am giving extra thanks for my own.

Reality TV "celeb" sightings

2008-03-18T10:18:00.000-07:00

I am going to avoid the fact that I haven't written in two months and I am also going to avoid the temptation to A) write an update on the last two months and B) make excuses for the last two months. Instead I am going to dive right in to something fun.

I don't watch much TV these days and when I do, it's recorded on my DVR so I can avoid commercials. Two shows I do confess to watching though are reality TV shows: Project Runway and America's Next Top Model. PR is just a downright great show that really puts designers to the test - not always fairly - but it tests their chops nevertheless. ANTM is a simple guilty pleasure. I enjoy watching what crazy thing they will think of next for these young women and stand amused at how much drama they can create over such silly things. Last week they made the girls wear clothes made out of meat while posing in a meat locker full of meat. I couldn't believe there wasn't a vegetarian in the bunch who would freak out and refuse to do the shoot. The most drama we got was "Ooo, gross! Meat is touching me!"

ANYWAY, last week I had to go pick up our poor little Lucy from the vet after she had some yucky teeth pulled. There I am in all my mama-glam (re: hair pulled back with a full halo of frizz, a big puffy winter coat, sneakers and my constant accessory, a stroller) when I spot Chris March, one of the top four designers from Project Runway! I thought he was great and I would have been delighted if he had won the whole thing. But, he had to battle it out with Rami, another talented designer, and Rami won. So I see him standing next to the Barnes & Noble on 5th Avenue looking at his phone and I was just so excited that I reached out and touched his arm (I know, I know, probably totally creepy and completely against the rules of celebrity engagement) and said "I love you! I think you're great." I got a half-smile and an annoyed "Thanks." I tried not to take it personally because I'm sure he has been getting plenty of that since PR ended its season but I was really embarrassed that I had actually said something to a "celebrity" and had been so spurned. Lesson learned.

My next spotting came this past weekend at Chelsea Market. Nigel Barker, fashion photographer and judge on ANTM, was there with his beautiful wife and son, watching a kids' musician play. A friend I was with spotted him first because she has seen him there before. First of all, he is gorgeous in-person as well AND he is about 6'5"! I had no idea he was so tall. When they left, he walked past my friend and I carrying his son and we both looked at each other and sort of patted our hearts and I mouthed "he is so dreamy." Then we look and there is his wife pulling up the rear looking at us with a very polite and rather amused smile on her face. Embarrassed? Check. But, we figure she sees it all the time so who cares.

Alright, so there is a doozy of an entry. I also recently had a relative stranger confess that she googled me and read my blog so now that I am reminded of the fact that more than about three people read this thing and that those people are not the same ones who have known me for more than half my life, I am going to try to get back on the stick with this blog.

More thoughts and prayers

2008-01-20T09:48:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine I met through playgroup recently delivered her second son, Kieran, at 27 weeks. He weighed 2 lbs, 6oz. He's been in NICU and has already had a couple of setbacks but he's a fighter. My friend went into the hospital at 19 weeks and they thought she would have to deliver then and there and lose the baby. But she went on bedrest, they stuck it out, her husband took a leave from his job to take care of their son, Shea, who is Theo's age, and they made it to 27 weeks. That in and of itself is a miracle. But they need more. Please take a moment to send some thoughts, prayers, good energy, or whatever you believe in, to this remarkable family. They are wonderful people with hearts of gold and Shea has the best dimples ever. People are rallying around them and I know from experience that the support of strangers goes a long, long way in the healing process. Thanks everyone.

"Bad-Mommy Brigade"

2008-01-15T09:15:00.000-08:00

I just read this article in New York Magazine today. While I don't personally agree with some of her points, so much makes sense. The writer quotes another author as saying we stay-at-home moms are "making pre-Betty Friedan choices in a post-Betty Friedan world". That hit it for me. She then goes on to talk about the sense of unfulfillment that comes with being a stay-at-home mother and it really resonated with me. I don't feel that I am a Bad Mother because I don't meet the expectations of a Good Mother as defined in this article. I am a good mother because I do the best I can but it is very easy to make me feel like a bad mother since I am always wondering if indeed I am doing my best. It's a question every parent asks of him/herself, even the ones that do all the volunteering, baking and still somehow keeping a clean house. It was never my girlhood dream to be a Mommy. I love being one and what Theo has brought to my life is immeasurable, but there are still those unfulfilled dreams lingering out there and those are the things that nag at me when I am mindlessly saying to Theo for the eight millionth time, "yes, I see the truck". I think anyone who has ever had any ambition and has children before that ambition has been fulfilled really struggles with this same thing. I am grateful to have read this article because the author really articulated some of my thoughts for me.

Look at me go

2008-01-14T09:02:00.001-08:00

Yet another goal of mine for 2008 is to see more theatre. So far, in just 12 days, I have already seen two shows, have tickets to another and was invited to yet another at the end of the month. That means for January I will have seen FOUR pieces of live theatre.

The first show I saw was a Christmas present from Rich (with prodding from me). It was a performance of Beckett shorts at New York Theatre Workshop starring Mikhail Baryshnikov. I had posters of Misha on my wall as a teenager - three actually, including a door-size one - so I was just happy to be there. It was a good production, not life-changing in any way, but I really appreciate Beckett. I was Lucky in a production of Waiting for Godot several years ago. It was the fringiest of fringe shows, hardly anyone saw it and in the end, I don't know if it was that good. But I absolutely loved the challenge of playing that role. If you don't know the speech, go here to read it (it's the big paragraph in the middle of the page). Now that I feel I have "studied" Beckett to some degree, I want more. He seems to be having a major resurgence in popularity, too, because the show I am going to see at the end of the month is BAM's production of Happy Days.

Last night Amre and I went to see Disinformation at the Public's Under the Radar Festival. My friend Tommy directed it and the primary performer was another former Seattle resident, Reggie Watts. It lacked the cohesive vision I think it was trying to create, but the bits and pieces on their own were terrific including a show-stealing dance piece by another Seattle performer, Amy O'Neal.

Wednesday night I am going to another show at the Festival, this one by writer and performer Dael Orlandersmith. We produced two of her shows when I was working at ACT and I just love her. Her writing is incisive and human. This current piece is a work in progress so I don't know what to expect but I am excited to see her perform again. And just so, so excited to be getting out and experiencing the art form that I love so much and that gives me so much inspiration.

International Playground

2008-01-11T08:43:00.000-08:00

I feel like yesterday's entries were a little complain-y so today I am going to write about one of the many things I love about NYC. On a large scale, New York City is an international playground. One can find a sampling of almost every culture and nationality in the world here. With that comes the food, the festivals, the dances, the films, the politics, the clothes, the mores, etc. But on a smaller, say, toddler-sized scale New York is quite literally an international playground. I think our experience is enhanced because we are in an academic community full of people from all over the world, but on any given day at our playground here is a sampling of some of the languages we hear: Spanish, Russian, Hebrew, Chinese, Italian, French, German and Portugese. It's one of the things that I love about raising a child here. As these kids get older and play at each other's houses, we will all learn more about new cultures, customs and traditions. The more we know about one another, the more we understand each other and the more tolerant we are of differences. It makes me happy to know we are raising Theo to be completely open and accepting to things that are new and different because new and different is all he will know.

Living the dream

2008-01-10T16:18:00.001-08:00

I feel like I spent most of today picking up toys and putting them back where they belong. I am that mom, the one in the commercials looking all haggard until Calgon takes her away, the one editors are thinking about when they decide which new organizational miracle product they are going to feature in this month's issue, the one wondering, "when did I become that mom?"

NYC Pet Peeve

2008-01-10T16:01:00.000-08:00

My biggest pet peeve at the moment is people who stop their cars in the crosswalk. They are the ones who don't want to get caught at the light so they pull forward even though there is no place for them to go other than the pedestrian crosswalk. There are a couple of very busy roads in my neighborhood where this happens a lot and it makes me crazy. Initially, it made me crazy because I was a Seattle pedestrian i.e., accustomed to having cars stop at crosswalks, even without a traffic light to tell them to do it. Now it drives me crazy because I have to navigate a stroller through that tangled mess and grit my teeth hoping that A) Theo won't have respiratory problems for breathing in what's spewing from people's tailpipes and B) there won't be some freak fender bender that is just enough to send the car I am walking in front of right into Theo and me. It makes me so irate that I have actually become one of those crazy people who yells at the drivers for their mistake. I make eye contact with them, point at my stroller and say "THIS IS A CROSSWALK!!" In my head, they are saying to themselves, "Oh my goodness! I am such an oblivious idiot. I didn't even think that me stopping in the middle of a crosswalk might endanger a small child. I will never, ever do such a stupid thing again." In my head, I am changing NYC drivers one lunatic rant at a time.

Resolution check-in

2008-01-07T09:32:00.000-08:00

OK, so I know I'm not calling them resolutions so I shouldn't be too hard on myself but I'm not doing so hot on this 7th day of January. I haven't been to the gym yet, I haven't been eating more greens, I haven't done any yoga or been drinking more water. I've washed a lot of dishes but haven't touched the vacuum, a dust cloth or a bathroom sponge in a week. I have written a few cards to some friends and I think this is my third or fourth blog entry in a week so I haven't been a total slacker. Last night a packed away all the ornaments on the Christmas tree and tonight Rich is going to take it down from its stand and take it down the hall to the garbage room. Then I will break out the vacuum. I mean, what's the point in vacuuming if you're just going to throw pine needles all over the place soon afterwards? Right?

Go Jags!

2008-01-06T08:52:00.000-08:00

The Jacksonville Jaguars beat the Pittsburgh Steelers 31-29 last night. It was a real nail-biter of a game and I stayed up WAY past my bedtime to watch it but man was it worth it. I have never been a Steeler fan - I loathe their ridiculous "Terrible Towels" - but ever since they supposedly beat the Seattle Seahawks in the Superbowl two years ago, they are just below the Yankees on my very short list of Sports Teams I Hate. The LA Lakers represent basketball on that list. So, you can imagine the sweet, sweet satisfaction of seeing my boys beat the Steelers on their home turf, for the second time this season - the only team to beat them at home this season. Depending on the outcome of today's games, next week might create real havoc in our household. If San Diego wins today, next weekend the Jags go to New England to play the undefeated Patriots - Rich's boys. Hey, I'm a Red Sox fan. I'm a believer that anything is possible.

Could it happen?

2008-01-04T10:00:00.000-08:00

Four years ago I watched Barack Obama give the most stirring speech I think I have heard from a living politician. I encourage you to re-read it here. That night I looked at Rich and said "That man is going to be the first black president of the United States." Last night, he won in Iowa. Granted, last time around John Edwards won in Iowa and we see where that got him - back in Iowa this election season and coming in second. However, Obama's win last night has me excited and wondering. Could it really happen? After all the trauma and turmoil black people have endured and continue to endure in this country, could we really elect a black man as president? What an amazing accomplishment if it really happened. Of course, the thought is also followed by fear - would he make it through an entire term? Would some insane racist destroy his vision and leave us all wondering, like with Kennedy, "What would have been different if he'd had the time to make things happen?" What would an event like that do to our country? Leaping ahead, I know. And, as Kelly will appreciate, already imagining the bad scenarios. But I also have so much hope. So much hope that this country will finally do something right on this political landscape. No, this is not an endorsement of Barack Obama. In fact, I don't even know how I am going to vote in the NY primary next month. But I know that I am excited and that having him in this race gives me hope.

Happy 2008

2008-01-02T09:59:00.000-08:00

Once again, my good intentions have not translated to my blog. I truly do think about writing something every day but then I run out of time during Theo's nap or I get caught up in cleaning, cooking, etc. and I forget. But it's a new year and while I don't want to commit to an actual list of resolutions, per se, I do have a mental list of things I would like to do better this year. Among them:

Be a better blogger
Write more snail mail to friends and family
Be a better housekeeper
Find balance in my life as a wife, mother, friend, person
Stop biting my nails - for real this time

Our holidays were good. We didn't travel at all. As Christmas approached Rich and I began to doubt whether we had made the right decision in not visiting family this year, but all we had to do was think about all the airports we avoided and our doubts were instantly vanquished. On Christmas Eve we invited a neighbor over for dinner. She is in her 70s, widowed with no children of her own and she absolutely dotes on Theo. We gave her a framed picture of him and she was over the moon about it.

On Christmas Day we woke up early and dove into the many presents we were blessed with from our families. Theo got a Tonka dump truck, a new boat for the bathtub, some blocks, some clothes and a new winter coat. I gave Rich a sweater and the complete Twin Peaks DVD set. My big gifts were a massage and tickets to see Baryshnikov performing 4 Samuel Beckett shorts at New York Theatre Workshop this Saturday. It was also a Christmas of updating for me: my first new purse in two years, my first new wallet in at least two years, my first new slippers in probably 4 years. I am hoping 2008 will be a year of rejuvenation for me. I feel a bit like I have been lost in the fog of motherhood so I am trying to be more aware of who I am and what I project into the world. I have a lot I want to accomplish but sometimes I feel like a total schlump and it gets me down. This year I am hoping to gradually make some improvements on myself - internally and externally.

Christmas afternoon Amre came over and we cooked a veggie shepherd's pie, brussel sprouts and butternut squash. It was yummy, yummy and so good to have Amre here.

The week between Christmas and New Year's was slow and easy. Rich worked minimally so we had a lot of time together. We took Theo to see the tree in Rockefeller Center and walked to Chelsea Market along the Hudson River Park where Theo marveled at all the helicopters going to and from the heliport further up the river. New Year's Eve, Deana, Mike and Anabelle came over for a slumber party. We cooked curry and pie and I missed the stroke of midnight because Theo woke up at 11:58pm and needed to be comforted back to sleep. Oh well, I guess it's just a time of day.

So now here we are. A new year already. Where did 2007 go? It was a good year for us. Our first full calendar year with Theo. We traveled a lot and already have some trips planned for this year: Greece in June and Seattle for most of the month of August. In a couple of weeks Theo and I are going down to Austin to visit my dad, stepmom and Kat while Rich attends a conference in Barbados, the lucky stiff.

So here we go into another year. I look forward to what it will bring us.

Peanut butter = bad

2007-12-05T06:33:00.000-08:00

Discovered yesterday that Theo is allergic to peanuts. He ate some peanut butter and the hives came, limited to just his face initially but then an hour later all over his little body. I took him to the doctor who prescribed him a steroid for the next few days to limit any more outbreaks until the peanuts pass through his system. He also gave me a prescription for an epi-pen. That is the thing that frightens me the most. I have to carry around something that I might have to use to prevent my son from dying should he accidentally eat peanuts again. Of course, we don't know that his next reaction will be that severe, but the doctor said based on this first reaction, it's the next one we need to be worried about.

So now our lives have changed. He'll get blood work done at his next check up in January to verify any other allergies but from now on we have to carefully read labels to see if the food we buy is manufactured in a facility that processes peanuts, Theo can no longer share snacks with his friends unless I know exactly what it is and if it's safe and, as he gets older, he will have to learn to tell people about his allergy so that unknowing caregivers and well-meaning parents don't feed him something dangerous. My friend Keila's little boy is severely allergic to dairy and has learned to say "no thank you" to snacks offered by others.

It's scary and it's frustrating but I am reminding myself to be grateful for his overall health. Grateful that this first reaction wasn't the life-threatening one, that we were given a warning from his little body. Grateful that we live in a time when peanut allergies are common enough that people are educated about their severity and foods are labeled appropriately. Thankfully I have been a label reader for many years but now in addition to sugars, bad fats and preservatives I have something new to look for.

Feeling defeated

2007-12-03T15:59:00.000-08:00

Theo got the best of me today. He refused to nap this afternoon even though he desperately needed it. We struggled with each other, he cried, I dug deep and finally I got him in the stroller and we went to the grocery store. On the way home, he fell asleep - two hours before his bedtime. He woke up after 30 minutes in a terrible mood. He was absolutely inconsolable for a good 15 minutes but I finally found a winning combination of a pacifier, a cracker in each hand, some milk nearby and Animal Planet. TV is always my last resort and tonight I shoved my guilt aside and decided that whatever works, works.

Just as I thought we might make it through to the end of the day without any more battles, we faced dinner. He just won't eat anything these days. He won't try anything new and he is apparently bored of all the things he does like, with the exception of cheese and crackers. Roast beef? No. Fish shaped frozen fish sticks? No. Spinach and potato pancakes? No. Jar of baby food I keep around as back up - a few bites but then, no. Crackers with goat cheese. Yes. And the "no" isn't a polite, "no thank you, Mummy". It's grab it off the tray and hurl it on the floor. After picking up several things he had thrown I actually threw a piece of spinach potato pancake back at him. He, of course, thought that was hilarious which was a good thing because I was so mad I just kept throwing it at him and he just kept giggling.

Finally, I gave up. I cleaned him up, put him in his jammies and put him to bed where he seemed quite happy to go by that time. Finally, one thing today I got him to do without a struggle.

New favorite joke

2007-11-16T11:36:00.000-08:00

For many, many years, this was my favorite joke:

Q: Why do seagulls live by the sea?
A: Because if they lived by the bay they'd be bay-gulls

OK, since I'm cracking up as I write that, maybe it's still my all time favorite joke. At our high school baccalaureate ceremony Kat and I kept repeating it to each other so we wouldn't cry.

However, this gem comes courtesy of Stacy:

Q: Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners?
A: Because they don't have any attachments.

It kills me.

10

2007-11-15T18:20:00.000-08:00

10 is the number of loads of laundry I have done in the last two days. I hate doing laundry.

All the ladies in the house

2007-11-12T07:19:00.001-08:00

Kelly backin' that bootie up

Karen and Tanya

The 90210 shot (in 11222)

Theo and his doting aunties

The ladies, the ladies

2007-11-08T13:01:00.001-08:00

This weekend I will get to spend time with many of my best girlfriends in the entire world. Kat has been here since Sunday and I have been lucky enough to have her stay with me the last several days. Rich has been out of town but with Kat here the days have flown by. Tonight I have to give her up to Karen which is only fair, but I will miss having her here and I think Theo will too. Other than my mom, she is the only person he sees infrequently that he didn't need to warm up to. He gives her a big smile in the morning and he's happy to see her when she walks in the door. She's also been washing all my dishes which has been amazing.

This afternoon Ama and Kelly Rae arrive and tomorrow night we are having a big slumber party at Karen's place. It will be my first night away from Theo. I'm looking forward to catching up with my girls and going out to a baby-free brunch on Saturday morning. It's the simple things, like baby-free brunches, that I really enjoy these days.

Sox-ed it to 'em!

2007-10-29T11:16:00.001-07:00

WE DID IT AGAIN!!! Congratulations to an awesome team and to all my fellow Sox fans! Now I can finally get to bed at a reasonable hour...

It's so easy

2007-10-23T11:33:00.000-07:00

It's so easy to second-guess oneself as a parent. In general, I think I do a pretty decent job as a mom, but it doesn't take much to make me question myself. Theo has been cleared to start drinking whole milk now that he is one. The problem is that he hates it. He refuses to drink it. Yesterday I got all cocky thinking I had solved the problem: I'll make him a milk smoothie! I threw some strawberries and milk into the blender and then proudly served it to my son. I got the same turned up nose I've been getting for the last week. He's also stopped eating as well as he used to and he definitely rejects the things I cook him myself. Here I am trying to be supermom, making my kids food, and he hates my cooking already! All it takes is one comment from a mom with a great eater and my self-confidence is crushed. I'm friends with another mom in my building whose son is a few months older than Theo. One afternoon they stopped by and her son was clutching a scallion pancake she had made. Yesterday at the playground she mentioned that her son had eaten a giant bowl of grits. Grits! Theo would spit grits right out of his mouth. It's so frustrating. He won't even eat pasta for goodness sake. I thought all kids ate pasta! I am trying to tell myself this is a phase and that soon he will begin to like more food. Of course, it also puts more pressure on me to be a better cook. The older he gets the less I will be able to fall back on jarred baby food which he will still gobble up.

Well, guess I better go get started on my next attempt: broccoli and cheese sauce.

Birthdays

2007-10-18T12:15:00.000-07:00

My little man turned one year old one week ago today. Hard to believe it's been a full year since I went into labor, struggled for 32 hours and then suddenly had this teeny tiny person in my arms that until that moment, was an unknown entity, a little force of energy, balled up inside me. Now he smiles, hugs, kisses, laughs and, on my birthday, this past Tuesday, walks. What a great birthday gift. Somehow he knows. On Father's Day he said "Dada" and on my birthday he takes his first steps. This morning he was in his high chair and I was in the kitchen getting him something for his breakfast, when he pointed at me and said "Mama". It's not the first time he said it but it still takes me by surprise and melts my heart each time I hear it.

My own birthday was eclipsed a little by my son's but that's OK. We gathered over the weekend and had some drinks and went to see Fuerzabruta. On my actual birthday I watched the Red Sox lose to Cleveland. The Red Sox hate my birthday. It's the one curse of an October birthday - baseball postseason. If you care about baseball and your team makes the playoffs, you risk having your birthday blown if they lose their game that day. I'm still holding out hope that they recover but now they have to win 3 in a row.

So, another year of birthdays coming to a close. Only a few more left for the year before the cycle begins again in January.

My little boy

2007-10-09T16:23:00.000-07:00

I love my little boy so much. He's such an amazing little man. I know I had a part in making him but now, two days shy of 1 year old, he is definitely his own person. I've been enjoying cuddling him so much because I see how quickly it goes.

Daddy's home!

2007-10-08T11:29:00.000-07:00

It doesn't matter that he got home at 2am and was too tired to get up with Theo at 6am as he had promised. He's home and that alone is enough to get me through the day.

Exhausted

2007-10-07T10:02:00.000-07:00

Day 5 of 5 as a single parent. Rich will be home tonight but probably long after Theo and I are both in bed. My day started at 4:45. Yes, A.M. Theo slept intermittently until 6am but just as I was about to fall back to sleep he would start crying again - first a wet diaper, then a dirty diaper, then hungry, then ready to get up. The worst part of these early mornings is that it shortens my patience. I'm so tired that it's hard for me to dig deep enough when he is being whiney. And wouldn't you know, he has another cold now so he is very whiney. I have a mountain of housework to do before all the grandparents come for his birthday and I have been trying to get some of it done but he's taking such short naps I'm getting nowhere fast. Or yesterday I allowed myself a nap so I spent 20 minutes cleaning up the kitchen then tried to sleep for 30 minutes. It was fitful at best and then just before my alarm was set to go off, Theo woke up leaving me no time to eat lunch. Now I'm just feeling paralyzed. I should be either sleeping or cleaning, but I'm too tired to clean and I'm afraid to try to sleep because what if he wakes up? Then I will still have a dirty house and I'll be just as tired. So instead, I sit here writing this dumb blog entry. Lucky you.

First of many

2007-10-05T10:45:00.000-07:00

I had my first publicly embarrassing Mommy moment today. Let me preface this with how the day began: Theo woke up at 5:45 already cranky. He was whiney and clingy, then he fell and hit his head, he grabbed poor Lucy with both hands and was pulling her towards him with a firm handful of her fur and skin (other than trying to escape she didn't utter one sign of complaint - amazing) and then his morning nap ended after 45 minutes so he woke up still cranky and clingy.

I decided to head up to the Farmers' Market for some apples and pears but I needed some cash first. I went into the bank to get cash, gave Theo his bottle which he was still working on and realized that I had left my wallet at home. Now, ever since findings were released that plastic bottles release carcinogens, I switched to glass bottles. Until today, they have held up very well being dropped from the stroller or even the highchair. Well, a perfect storm gathered consisting of the bank's floor, a bottle sick of being dropped, Theo's increasing strength and his foul mood. Just as I was realizing I had left my wallet behind, I hear a loud crash and realize my precious, adorable son has thrown his bottle out of the stroller and it has shattered. Then Theo started to cry. I picked up the glass, offered him his water instead and kept hoping for a helpful employee to come over and tell me not to worry about a thing. I heard someone utter something about a mop so after I picked up the glass and saw no one other than a security guard staring at me, I just turned around and left leaving a big splatter of organic formula milk right in the middle of the floor. I turned around, took Theo to the playground and spent the rest of the afternoon trying not to cry.

Oh, did I mention Rich is out of town? So yes, I have been single parenting since Wednesday and am on my own until Sunday. I just have to hope that this afternoon is better with the benefit of his second nap.

Awesome celebrity sighting

2007-10-04T05:56:00.000-07:00

I love, love, love Mary Louise Parker. From Fried Green Tomatoes to Weeds she is the real thing. This morning I was walking home from an early breakfast with another mom and her daughter and there she was, at the NE corner of Washington Square Park, with her nanny, her little boy and her new adopted daughter. She has amazing skin, even at 8:30am and two kids. I so desperately wanted to tell her how much I love her work but unless circumstances allow otherwise, I don't talk to celebrities when they are with their families. Funny thing is, tonight Karen and Ralph are coming over for a little catch-up Weeds marathon.

Today in New York

2007-09-27T07:02:00.001-07:00

Today, Theo woke up at 5:15 and went back to sleep about 10 minutes later but I, I could not fall asleep again. It's 10am and it's already been a long day. Today, the weather is crappy - sticky, humid, threatening to rain, not very almost-October. Today, Barak Obama is speaking in Washington Square Park, 2 blocks away from my apartment. I am going to try to take Theo but it's going to be a mob scene. It's right in the middle of campus for goodness sake. Even if only 10% of the student population of NYU turns up, the park will be packed.

New York City mornings

2007-09-25T05:42:00.000-07:00

I have the luck to not have to deal with the morning commute. However, I still have to wake up at 6am to start my job as Mom. I was recently inspired by my friend Cynthia to take better advantage of the mornings. She mentioned that she often takes her daughter for a morning walk, grabs a coffee or a bagel, enjoying the cooler weather. Last week Cynthia and I took our kids out for a 7:30am breakfast date and for the past few mornings I have continued the morning outing routine. Sunday and Monday I actually got my act together and took Theo for a run along the Hudson River and today we just went for a walk to get some coffee. Mornings in New York are so much more pleasant. There isn't a lot of traffic yet, many people are surprisingly friendly (I guess because they haven't had a chance to get pissed off at the world yet) and there are lots of dogs being walked and who can't smile at a dog? Even though it's hard for me to fathom getting out of my bed when I am summoned by my son and it's still dark outside, once I'm up and moving it's pretty darn pleasant. Hopefully I can stick with this new routine although it might be destroyed once the temperatures start to drop.

Hard weekend

2007-09-23T17:57:00.001-07:00

Theo has had a bit of a cold the last few days and while I think the worst of it has passed, it has been challenging. He hardly napped at all over the weekend which was tough since that's when Rich and I get some time to ourselves to either hang out together or to get some stuff done. We were really dragging today despite having a relatively decent night's sleep for the first time in days. However, we powered through it and I just hope we return to some semblance of normalcy this week.

I don't have anything terribly exciting to blog about tonight but in an effort to write more, here I am anyway. I should actually be reading a book I have to finish soon because I might be teaching it sometime soon. It's not that I don't like it, I just know that if I start reading I will fall asleep making the whole exercise seem futile. What the hell. Time for bed anyway.

Fall-ing

2007-09-18T12:28:00.000-07:00

Ah, Autumn in New York. The weather has been glorious and that makes all the beautiful things about this city sparkle and shine. I feel like we are finally recovering from our crazy summer travels and settling back into a nice routine. We are also nesting a little bit in preparation for colder weather. I got our desk organized and cleaned up (you can take a free shuttle to the IKEA in Elizabeth, NJ. It was so damn easy and I didn't have to think beyond my little shopping list) and the armoire we ordered for our television arrived in many boxes today so soon we will have a baby-proof TV zone. It was a good weekend - cleaning, organizing, going to the playground, getting bagels early on Sunday morning, Rich and Theo went to Central Park Saturday afternoon and the Red Sox at least won one of the three games against the Yankees.

I feel like as Theo approaches the one year mark Rich and I are finally finding our footing as parents. I am going to start teaching a little bit and Theo will be getting adjusted to an additional caretaker. That alone opens up so much more possibility - work, stroller-free errands and yes, even a date night with my husband. I'm heading into Fall with a clearer mind and slightly better focus so I'm eager to see what that opens up for me.

Public Education - Part 2

2007-08-28T09:17:00.000-07:00

Read this article in the New York Times today. Many school districts are now offering bonus incentives to attract and retain good teachers, especially in the maths and sciences. Why is it so odd that this is happening? Education needs to be on par with the business world. You can't expect people to work so hard at such an important job for so little pay. It's about time teachers started getting rewarded for staying in tougher schools. They get paid less than their counterparts in wealthier suburban areas and they work five times as hard (if they are any good). Some districts are also paying additional bonuses if performance levels increase. Why is that an anomaly? People in the business world get performance-based bonuses all the time. I hope this is a trend that continues and that perhaps if enough scores and grades go up, governments will realize that this is a model that works and that schools need to be given the money to sustain these programs. It would be interesting for someone to begin a long-term study to determine if crime/incarceration/unemployment go down in the districts where the quality of the teachers improves.

I'm glad I'm not...

2007-08-27T20:06:00.000-07:00

...an entertainment reporter. What a horrible, vacuous, sniveling job. Some people may say being in the entertainment industry at all is useless, self-consuming and ridiculous, but at least actors/singers/directors/etc entertain people and possibly, if they are very good and very lucky, also make a difference in peoples lives via their art form. But entertainment reporters? All they do is talk about what people are wearing, who they are sleeping with and then slobber all over them when they interview them. What an awful, awful life. I would hate myself if that were my job.

Maybe all I need is a shot in the arm

2007-08-22T13:24:00.000-07:00

Got to revisit the old me for a couple of hours last night. Rich and I went to see Wilco play at Marymoor Park, a beautiful park in Redmond, a suburb of Seattle better known as home to a certain software mega-company. I don't just love Wilco, I LOVE Wilco. There is something about Jeff Tweedy that gets me. It's not a physical crush; try as I might, I'm not physically attracted to him. But Lord Almighty, as soon as that man opens his mouth to sing I am enraptured. His voice is just so plaintive and his lyrics so funny/earnest/true. Maybe it's because Wilco nursed me through the biggest heartbreak of my life. Jeff Tweedy has clearly explored the height and depth, light and dark, sighs, moans and aches of love. So, if you've have ever experienced any of it yourself, there is a Wilco song for you. I don't want to sleep with Jeff Tweedy, but I want him to be my next door neighbor that comes over for cookouts all the time.

Driving to the concert I was still in mom-bot mode a bit. We'd left Theo asleep with some friends at our apartment but it wasn't until we were approaching the venue that suddenly I got that familiar pang of excitement, the rush of going to see one of my favorite bands live and knowing that for a couple of hours, if all goes well - and there isn't some asshole frat boy smoking pot or trying to mosh in front of me or some drunk hippie chick flailing her arms around in a dance trance - I will be able to stand there letting the vibrations of my favorite songs pulsate through my body. I will be witness to some witty banter that I can pretend isn't the same witty banter from the night before or the night after. I'm not good company at concerts - Rich can attest to that. If it's a band I really love, I treat it like a religious experience. I don't like to talk during a concert. I don't go get beer during the band's set. I mouth words but I don't sing out loud and I hate it when people around me do - I paid to hear the band, not you, asshole. If it's a song that requires quiet, I silently plead with the people around me to understand and be respectful of the words and music being shared at that moment. Some of my favorite concert moments are when there is a shared crowd mentality that we are all in the presence of greatness and the crowd goes quiet, carefully listening to what our hero/heroine has to say. There were one or two instances of that last night. And, of course, there were also the frat boys in full regalia- beer, pot, cigarettes and baseball hats (please God, please don't let them be driving home the same direction as Rich and me).

So, for a couple of hours last night I tapped into my youthful, concert-going self. I don't get to see nearly as many concerts as I used to pre-baby. It's a habit I don't want to drop and last night reminded me of that.

I'm back

2007-08-17T20:09:00.000-07:00

Whew. I'm back if you'll have me. It's mid-August. I haven't written in almost 3 months. I'm embarrassed, I feel like a slacker but, in some ways, I also don't care all that much. I started this blog to keep people informed on what it going on in my life and quite frankly, I think my absence says more than my words can. Theo is 10 months old, crawling like a fiend, pulling himself up, talking (albeit in a language only he understands), eating bigger chunks of food and still not sleeping all that great. We have a routine each day and sometimes, in those precious couple of hours I get to myself during the day, I just don't want to blog. I often think in blog. I have good intentions. I think to myself, "I am going to blog about this today" but it just doesn't happen.

We have traveled a lot this summer. We went to Cape Cod in June to stay at our friend Dylan's family's house. We were there for a week. It was great to be away. The beach was warm, the water was freezing. I was paranoid that Theo would get eaten alive by mosquitoes, sucked on by a tick or covered in poison ivy. None of it happened but all the possibilities made it slightly less relaxing than I had imagined. I also learned an important lesson that week: "vacation" is redefined when you become a parent. You are off routine, you don't have access to everything you may need, you aren't in control of your surroundings and, in our case, Theo doesn't sleep well outside of his own crib. "Vacation" isn't a relaxing word anymore. It means making sure I don't forget important things and bracing myself for even less sleep.

After the Cape we were home for a few weeks before Rich took off for a conference in Vienna and I took Theo to visit my mom in Jacksonville. I couldn't bare the thought of being alone in the sweltering city for nearly 10 days so I ran home to Mom's house where I could rely on doting family and friends. I was not let down. My mom was up with us at 6:30 every morning, she came in to see if she could help the nights Theo was awake at 2am, we saw my Aunt Jane and her family who were visiting from England, Jenny drove up from Orlando to see us and my brother Jeremy hung out with us a lot. It was a great trip that culminated in two canceled flights and finally arriving home in NYC a day late and at 1:30am with a very sleepy, but incredibly patient little man.

A week after arriving home from FL we flew to ATL for our friend Nick's wedding. So good to be there but my Lord, we spent a ton of money getting there, the weekend flew by and I missed most of the ceremony and reception taking care of Theo who was not going to sit through an entire Catholic mass, missed a proper afternoon nap and therefore desperately needed to go back to the hotel room to go to bed.

Four days after returning from ATL, we were on a plane again, this time to Seattle where we are right now. It is great to be back. We are here for 3 weeks (already been here for one) while Rich works. I have been rediscovering this city as a parent. Theo and I have been to the zoo, the aquarium, several new playgrounds, the Pacific Science Center and on a harbor cruise. There are still more playgrounds to track down, there is Pike Place Market and the Children's Museum. I think we'll stay occupied pretty well for the rest of our trip. I have been entertaining delightful fantasies of moving back, buying a Craftsman home somewhere in Central Seattle (hello, fantasy - can't do that for less than a cool half mil these days), teaching for The Seattle Children's Theatre and happily volunteering for KEXP all the time.

So, that's where I've been the last few months. Right now, Rich is out having a boy's night out and so I realized it was a perfect time to catch up on my blog. I don't know if any of you still check in anymore, but I will hopefully keep writing so that the next time you do you will be pleasantly surprised.

Happy Birthday, Uncle Ralphie!

2007-05-20T07:11:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was Ralph's birthday so we went over to Ralph and Karen's place for a little pre-party party. Ralph was warming up his sound system when we arrived so he introduced Theo to the wonders of the DJ booth. Thanks Uncle Ralphie and Happy Birthday!

Reflections on the NYC public school system

2007-05-17T07:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my first day in a New York City public school. I am a teaching artist with American Place Theatre and as a way to ease me into things after being out of the loop for so long I was asked to assist another TA in a classroom in the Bronx. I was grateful for the chance to go into a classroom without being responsible for the curriculum. One hears a lot about the schools in this town so I wasn't sure what to expect.

What I found were sweet kids but kids who are nowhere even close to being ready for the world. They are 11th graders - just one year away from high school graduation - and one of them had to ask what the word "poverty" meant. I felt like saying, "it means you end up going to shitty schools, getting a lousy education and getting stuck in a vicious cycle of never being able to rise above your current circumstances." But almost worse than the poor vocabulary was the immaturity and inability to articulate. Sure, they are teenagers and we are guest teachers, and perhaps my perception is skewed because my own public high school experience was so stellar, but I felt sad for the future of this country because we have let down our children by providing them with sub-standard education. No Child Left Behind, my ass. How about spending the billions they managed to find for an unjust war on some schools? How about raising teacher salaries so that people want to become teachers so schools can afford to hire only the good applicants and not just fill in the slots vacated by those who have been burned out? I am spending a lot of time thinking about this and trying to figure out what to do about it. I know plenty of people with way more experience and knowledge are doing the same thing but I want to figure out what I can do.

Reflections on Mother's Day

2007-05-17T06:44:00.000-07:00

Does anyone else note the irony here that it is four days after Mother's Day and I am only just now getting around to writing about it? My first Mother's Day was a great one. Theo woke up at his customary 6am but after I nursed him Rich took him then before I knew it, Rich was coming back to bed while Theo took his morning nap (usually about 1-1.5 hours after he wakes up) and then next thing I knew Theo was waking up again and it was 9am! I love Mother's Day.

After coffee and breakfast we took our new jogging stroller out for a spin. This stroller is a joint Mother's Day/early Father's Day gift. Now that the weather is nicer and Theo is old enough, we can get an exercise plan in motion. For me, it's about getting motivated again. For Rich, it's a chance to take the baby out and get exercise in the process. Theo is still getting used to his new digs but he crashed out in it before we got home on Sunday so I think that's a good sign.

We ate lunch while Theo napped and when he woke up we got ice cream and took him to the playground. Before I knew it it was dinner/bath/bed time and we had the rest of the night to ourselves. It was such a good day I was sad that it was over.

The past week I have been working on focusing on finding/asking for some "me" time. I have been to yoga three times in the past week (once with Theo which was interesting) and am planning on going tonight. I feel so much better after class - rejuvenated, lighter and less creaky - so I am determined to maintain the habit. Getting myself running will be a much harder task, not only because I am not a great runner, but because I have to figure out the best time to do it with Theo's schedule. Do I time it so that he naps during the run or when he is more awake? If I do it during nap time will he then start needing the stroller for naps? Will he always associate the stroller with naps so he'll fall asleep in it even when I don't want him to? In the big picture, not complicated questions, but things that are easy to fret about when one has dedicated as much time as I have to getting my child on a good sleep schedule.

Tag, I'm it

2007-05-04T05:07:00.000-07:00

Kelly tagged me to write seven quirky things about myself so here goes:

1. I hate tomatoes. While I don't think this is particularly odd - because they are disgusting - other people seem to think me strange. However, throughout life I have uncovered a friendly group of like-minded people and we cling together for safety when out to dinner together. One quirk about this hatred, I do like tomato-based products such as sauce (as long as it doesn't have tomato chunks in it) and even sun-dried tomatoes.

2. I also don't like feet. With the exception of my son and sometimes my husband, I just don't like feet touching me. I don't know why but I think they are kind of gross. Perhaps I was from Asia in a previous life (where the feet are considered dirty and it's very rude to wear shoes in the house or temple and certainly never put your feet on another person). That being said, I think I have really pretty feet.

3. I'm a little OCD about tidyness but not really cleanliness. Clutter makes me crazy and I spend a lot of time organizing things into piles but it takes a lot of effort for me to get around to actually filing those piles and I seem to be able to tolerate a dusty desk or a dirty bathroom despite really wanting them to be clean. I need a housekeeper and then all will be well with the world.

4. I have a few grammatical hang-ups. It makes me cringe when people misuse the words "good" and "well". Also, when people use adjectives where one should use an adverb, I say a silent "ly" to correct them. For example: Person X: "He is walking so slow!" Clare (in her head): "ly. Slowly".

5. I have no imagination in the kitchen. When I cook, I have to follow a recipe to the detail. I go through spurts of getting really excited about trying new recipes but then when they don't turn out well I get bitter and twisted about it and we eat pasta and sauce for awhile until I can find the cooking love again.

6. I have really bad gums. Perhaps this isn't quirky, but I don't know anyone else who has such bad gums except, well, my parents (thanks guys). I floss regularly, I use an electric toothbrush, I wear my nightguard, I go to the dentist regularly and I have even started using mouthwash, yet every time I go to the dentist I get scolded for my bad gums. I have actually cried in the dentist's office, not out of pain, but out of frustration.

7. I love lipstick. I search the earth for the perfect lipstick. I have lots of lipstick in similar shades because one dries out my lips, another turns too orange or too pink, etc. But I love buying lipstick and the quest for the perfect one.

Alright. There you have it. I'm sure I will think of a dozen more throughout the day.

Brother, can you spare the time?

2007-05-02T09:53:00.000-07:00

Since having Theo I have pretty much stopped wearing my watch because it's hard and I don't want to hurt him with it. So, I rely on my cell phone to tell me the time. But, as is the case for most of us, I occasionally forget my phone. Now, I am a very punctual person so I am a little obsessed with always knowing what time it is. Throw a baby into that personality type, and I have to know how long it's been since he last ate, slept, etc. so I can make sure I am responding to his needs correctly. Funny enough, people in New York seem to be possessive of their ability to tell time, even to a young mother with an adorable baby. This morning was an instance of forgetting my phone. I was trying to make it to the library for story time which starts at 11am. On my way there I noticed a shopkeeper opening up and I spotted a large watch on his wrist. Perfect. I politely asked him for the time and he gruffly told it to without even looking at me. Okey dokey then. However, my favorite story is the time I took the wrong subway with Theo strapped onto me in the carrier. It was getting late and I knew he would be hungry soon. There I was standing on the platform waiting for the train to backtrack my way from Queens (ugh) when I saw a businessman and his watch. I said "Excuse me, do you have the time?" He said "no, sorry" and walked away down the platform. I thought, wow, does he think I can't see his watch? Maybe he's agoraphobic and doesn't deal well with strangers. Then it occurred to me: I think he thinks I said "do you have a dime?" I laughed to myself when I realized that and then I quickly became humbled, embarrassed and then ashamed. I had a glimpse into what it must feel like to have to ask strangers for money and to be blown off so pointedly. It was a new experience for me and one I clearly have not forgotten. I saw Ellen Burstyn being interviewed once and she talked about being homeless while researching a role. She said the thing that made her so sad was when a woman gave her money but didn't look her in the eye. She said it made her feel sub-human. Every since then I make an effort to look those asking me for money in the eye even though I am telling them "no, sorry". And, the next person I asked for the time, I said "Can you tell me what time it is?"

Sleep

2007-04-30T11:21:00.000-07:00

I miss sleep. I am preoccupied with the idea of sleep: when will I sleep through the night again? How can I make my child sleep? Why won't he take a damn nap that last more than 30 minutes? Am I creating bad sleep habit and associations despite my every effort to avoid doing just that? I am giving up social engagements in an attempt to get Theo on a proper sleep schedule but it's hard to get him on a schedule when his sleep is so erratic. My new strategy is to start giving him dream feeds at 10pm in the hopes that he will sleep through the night. I might even make the dream feed a formula feed to fill up his belly more. If I can just get him to stop waking up at 1:30 every night it would be a miracle. Last night I thought, if he's waking at 1:30, that's roughly a six-hour stretch of sleep so maybe if I feed him then, he'll be good for another stretch until 7 or so. Nope. He woke up at 2, I fed him and he was awake again at 5:30ish. Fortunately, he happily stayed in his bed until 6. Right now he is squealing in his bed when he is supposed to be sleeping. He only slept for 30 minutes this morning and was up at 8, so at 11:30 he should be asleep again. If I had a large amount of disposable income I would be at a sleep clinic in a heartbeat.

And since my world revolves around Theo these days, the other piece of news is that we think he has a sensitivity to pears and bananas. The rash on his face is back after having bananas yesterday. I wonder if all the fruit I ate when I was pregnant triggered some kind of fruit allergy in him. We'll wait awhile and reintroduce those fruits in another month or so and see what happens. Once the rash has cleared, we're moving on to sweet potatoes.

Oh yeah, I have a blog

2007-04-27T06:52:00.000-07:00

Hi there. It's been awhile. The longer it's been the less inclined I am to post because it feels like there is just more to write. We have been home for over 3 weeks now. England was good. Theo was a pretty good traveler overall. He slept most of the way over because it was a red-eye but only slept an hour on the way home (6.5 hours, ugh). He also did well on the various train rides and car rides while we were there. He broke out in a rash that got worse and worse. Came home to be diagnosed as eczema. I thought it was the detergent we used while in England but he also ate a couple of new foods while we were there. So, all his clothes got re-washed and we scaled back his foods to basically start all over again. I changed my diet, first by drastically scaling back my chocolate intake which had reached absurd heights while in England, Home of Cadbury. I kept slathering him in Aquafor as the pediatrician recommended but that was doing nothing. Then I decided to cut out dairy from my diet and then this week, soy. The change in my diet combined with some much better lotion recommended by the guy at Kids Rx - a specialty pharmacy for kids in the West Village (prompting another "I love this town" moment on my part) - and his skin seems to have made a dramatic improvement. Yesterday I had some milk in a coffee and after his afternoon breast milk he seemed to have some redness around his mouth so I might be on to something. I'll go a few more days dairy-free and then mid-week I want to experiment with yogurt which, interestingly enough, is really the only dairy I'm missing (except on the exceptionally warm days we had last week when I really wanted some ice cream). Rich had a lactose intolerance when he was young (and still kind of does but he ignores it) so it wouldn't be surprising if Theo does too.

In other Theo updates, he now has two teeth. I'll try to snap a picture of them and post it. He is sitting up by himself. He still tips over so I stay close but he's getting stronger and stronger. He rolls around a lot and I can tell he wants to start crawling because he really reaches for things and tries to squirm his way to them. He's babbling a lot more conversationally and he loves, loves, loves, making raspberries with his tongue. I think it tickles or something but it's really pretty damn funny.

Rich and I celebrated our 4-year wedding anniversary last week. Karen babysat and we went out to dinner. Then Thursday night we had a grad student babysit and we went out to dinner with Karen, Ralph and Mike and Jackie who are in town from Boston while Mike attends a class for work. It was so fun to be out with friends without a baby in tow and after doing that two weeks in a row I think I am hooked! The only problem is that it is expensive at $12 an hour which is the average going rate for babysitters in this town (and that's for unskilled labor - those with more experience go for $15 and higher!). It makes going to the movies a nearly $60 evening and that's without popcorn and soda!

We had a week of glorious weather and now the rain has returned. Rainy days go by so much more slowly. The little man is waking from his nap so I must go. Now that I've filled in some gaps I'll try to be better about keeping up to date.

To England, where my heart lies

2007-03-23T13:20:00.000-07:00

Theo, my mom and I are off to England tonight. We will spend the next 10 days visiting three sisters/aunts, one brother/uncle, one father/grandfather/great-grandfather, numerous cousins and a best friend/godmother. It should be really nice and I am looking forward to introducing Theo to so much family. I will not have much internet access while I am there so I will have to do an update when we return. Happy Spring everyone!

S'MAC

2007-03-22T06:01:00.000-07:00

This is one of the beautiful things about New York City. I haven't been there yet but I can't wait.

Mommy milestone

2007-03-19T11:03:00.000-07:00

I did it. I spit-cleaned my child. Before I even realized what I was doing, I licked my thumb and rubbed a smudge off Theo's face.

Just in time

2007-03-05T12:39:00.000-08:00

I just got in from running some errands with Theo and I sat down to check email while he sleeps in the stroller. My back is to the window but the sounds of the howling wind made me turn around and suddenly I see massive amounts of snow blowing sideways - SIDEWAYS people!! NYU needs to open an extension school in Hawaii or something so Rich can teach his spring semester there. I guess this is March roaring in like a lion, right? Theo has yet to experience a decent snowfall because every time it has snowed this year it's just like this, no lightly falling, plumpy snowflakes for my baby. Stupid, stupid snow.

Creating Our Own Happiness

2007-03-01T06:29:00.000-08:00

A friend sent me this today. While this is a philosophy I also hold, I need to be reminded of it sometimes, oftentimes, so this came at such a good moment. I should just print it out and read it every morning as a reminder.

Mmm, mmm, good

2007-02-24T08:24:00.000-08:00

Theo had his first taste of baby cereal today!

He did a great job considering the biomechanics of eating from a spoon are a lot different from eating from the breast. We're just doing breakfast for a few days to make sure he doesn't have any funny reactions and then we are moving on to evening feedings which will hopefully help him sleep longer during the night!

Baby friendly discoveries

2007-02-22T11:41:00.000-08:00

I recently joined an online community of mothers (there may be some fathers in there but I don't know yet) that are based in downtown Manhattan (Tribeca, Battery Park City) and the West Village. Online there are discussions about getting kids to sleep, nannies, medications, etc., there is a classifieds section and there is a calendar of events like playgroups for different age groups, lectures, and free events in the area. Through this I was introduced to my local library which has an Early Childhood Resource Center. It's a huge room with the usual library components of books, movies and CDs, but they also have toys and play equipment for children from infants to toddlers. They have story time for kids and other fun activities and today was a "Baby's 1st Library Card" party. So, I took Theo over and he got his first library card. We checked out a couple of CDs and played in one of the exersaucers they had which he thoroughly enjoyed (time to get one of those. Now that he has good neck strength he's getting bored of lying on his back on his playmat and wants to stand all the time). So, I am happy to know there is a place to go that offers a change of scenery for us, it's about a 10-minute walk down the street and it's right next door to a playground that will be lots of fun when he gets older. All in all, joining this group was a smart move on my part. It's opened up the mysterious world of New York City parenting to me and will hopefully be a great resource. Oh, and the West Village group just started a book club. I'm going to miss the first meeting because I'll be in England but I am looking forward to checking it out. I miss my book club back in Seattle and I miss being held responsible for getting some reading done. I'm getting sucked into the world of parent magazines which has it's place but can be limiting for one's conversation skills!

Washington, DC

2007-02-20T07:39:00.000-08:00

What better place to go for Presidents' Day weekend than Washington, DC? Theo and I took the train down on Thursday to visit some friends. The initial impetus was that some Seattle friends were in town so we wanted to see them while they were so close, but we also seized the opportunity to finally visit Tara and Kendrick and meet their little boy, Elliot who is about 6 weeks older than Theo. Here are the buddies:

Theo was terrific on the train and overall did a great job on the entire trip. He is such an easy going little man. When he cries he has damn good reason: tired, hungry, overwhelmed, upset tummy (that's the hardest because it's harder to determine). We did a few touristy things with the Seattle peeps. Here is Theo in front of the Washington Monument:
Sure, he was sound asleep and you can barely see him through all the bundling, but here's proof that he was there at the tender young age of 4 months. I look forward to going back when it's warmer, Rich is with us and we can do some more outdoor monuments and wandering. Downtown DC is really nice to just wander around in but not when it's 30 degrees outside.

We came home Sunday afternoon. Rich was waiting for us at the train station. He missed us and is dreading our 10-day trip to England next month (Theo and I are going with my mom).

I'm ready for winter to be over. It's supposed to be in the 40s today which seems downright balmy after barely being above freezing since the end of January. I am so, so ready for spring. It will be such a treat to not have to bundle Theo up everytime we want to go outside. Oh, and DC has such an awesome Metro subway system. I spent the weekend going up and down on escalators and elevators then yesterday we went to Williamsburg to visit Karen and had to carry Theo in his stroller up and down 8 million stairs and even had to go back up and go in a different entry because there was no attendant to open the gate that is big enough for strollers. Ugh. For as much as I love living in a place with so much public transportation, it's inaccessability can be a real pain in the ass making me yearn for a Suburu and the open road!

Green-eyed monster

2007-02-14T07:09:00.000-08:00

"Enjoy your own life without comparing it with that of another."
Marquis de Condorcet (1743 - 1794)

This is something I have a hard time with. Yesterday was a hard day for me and I feel guilty even stating why. I started the day catching up on friends' blogs. Kelly's blog overflowed with the flush of her success in LA and the world of possibility and potential that she has opened up through her art. Kat's blog beamed with pride at the success of her friends who are being written up in national magazines and being nominated for Academy Awards. And me? While marveling at the wonderful worlds my friends are inhabiting, my own spirit felt a little diminished at what I have not done and am not doing, sad that I'm not one of Kat's friends getting an Oscar nomination and with each passing year watching that dream get further and further away rather than closer. Pessimistic? Perhaps. Realistic? I hate to say yes because it feels like giving up the dream and I'm not sure I'm ready to do that. It's a dream that is harder to pursue now that I'm a mother. Of course, then I ask myself "what kind of dream is that, anyway? What is it motivated by?" There have been days when I look at Theo and think, "He is by far my proudest accomplishment" and hopefully I will continue to do right by him and help him grow up to be a good, happy human being. What's more important than that? Speaking of which, he's waking up now so this post must be abbreviated.

Ode to my cats

2007-02-10T16:11:00.000-08:00

I love my cats. Nathan, Jr. (ala Raising Arizona. When they go to kidnap one of the Arizona quintuplets Ed tells H.I. to bring her the best one and when he comes out she says "which one did you get?" and he says "I don't know. Nathan, Jr. I think." He's our orange boy. I have a special place in my heart for orange boy tabbies because of Sunshine, the cat I grew up with who lived to be 16 years old. I had him from the age of 3 until I was 19. I still cry when I think about that cat.

Then there is Lucy. Rich and I have a special place for grey tabbies ever since Julia.
Those of you who lived in Tallahassee when Kelly and I lived together will remember Julia. She's hopefully still alive but Kelly and John let her stay with a new family when they returned from their extended road trip and found that she was happy as a clam in her new environment being able to go outside as she pleased and, of course, was utterly doted upon by her new family because one can't help but love her. We think Lucy chose us because as we were trying to capture the kitten we thought we wanted and who had escaped from our arms, I heard another cat meeping (both Lucy and Nathan were adopted as part of a rescue from a cat horder) and when I looked, there was Lucy, on her hind legs, meeping at us. I said to Rich (who was the one who wanted to adopt a kitten instead of two full grown cats) "that one looks like Julia. Why don't we take her instead." Rich LOVED Julia so that was about all it took to convince him.

Now, we are all a happy family. Well, the cats haven't been so happy since Theo arrived. Nathan has always been a momma's boy so the fact that my lap is almost always occupied by another baby doesn't sit well with him. When the baby is asleep, Nathan is quick to try to grab some time with me and sadly, I often don't want him because I need some time to have my own space to myself. But when I'm ready for a good snuggle he is always there. Lucy has adapted a little easier and in fact, would position herself on the edge of our bed and watch Theo sleep when he was still in his bassinet in our room. Once Rich had a bad dream about a scary baby demon and he couldn't fall back asleep until Lucy assumed her position because he knew she would protect him from evil spirits. Most recently, Theo has discovered the top edge of his vocal range and screeches like a banshee from hell. It's awful. It send the cats running from the room and giving us the most incredulous looks as if to say "what have you people done?" Moments like that, I long for the days when I only had furry babies because they never, ever make noises like that.

So, as the baby sleeps and Nathan sits on my lap while I type, I just have to say how much I love and appreciate our furry companions. Some people forget about their pets once babies are born but I still find solace in them and look forward to the day when Theo loves them as much as we do.

Theo and Anya sittin' in a tree

2007-01-26T11:49:00.000-08:00

We just got back from spending a few short days back in Seattle for the wedding of our friends Huda and Uzma. It was great to be back although there was not nearly enough time and we didn't get a chance to see everyone we would have liked to but fortunately we will be back in August for yet another wedding.

Anya is Janet and Nitin's little girl, born 2 months before Theo. She is absolutely beautiful and we took lots of pictures to show at her and Theo's wedding!

My "day" so far

2007-01-12T07:13:00.000-08:00

It's 10:13am. I put the word day in quotes above because when one is awake every 2-3 hours in the night, sometimes it doesn't feel like there are separate days, just a constant flowing of hours, some light, some dark. Theo "woke up" around 7:30 this morning and, not being ready to wake up myself, I decided to nurse him lying down in the bed so we could both drift back to sleep. I know this is a bad idea. I have told myself over and over again that while it may provide temporary relief, I pay for it later. How? [disclaimer: those who are easily grossed out should stop reading now] Massive amounts of chunky spit-up. He woke up and spit up all over himself so I changed him. Then I picked him up and he spit up again, this time missing himself but getting the bib, the burp cloth and, of course, me. I put him in his infant seat while I cleaned up and got ready to go get coffee because, on top of eveything, we had no coffee in the house so I was throwing on some clothes to walk over to the nearby coffee shop. While in his seat, he pooped but this was no normal poop. Nope. I opened up that outfit to change him and there was poop everywhere. Another outfit down. Strip the kid, wipe off all poop that got all over him during the changing process and start over. Pick him up to go get another outfit from his room (he still sleeps on our room and we use the bassinet changing table for now) at which point he throws up again. This time he only gets me minimally but he destroys his bib and in the process of trying to wipe him up, I am smearing spit up all over him because I grabbed the wrong end of the burp cloth. Clean that up, change his clothes and finally get out the door to my coffee. I notice on the way home that he is getting very sleepy so we get inside and I put him down in the crib. We are working on teaching him to self-soothe so I left him in there for awhile until he started to sound actually upset and not just annoyed. On my way in to check on him, I notice a huge chunk of cat vomit. Are you kidding? Clean that up, soothe the kid a little and walk away. My first victory of the day (well, I guess the second as I would count actually getting the coffee as a victory): Theo put himself to sleep with very little intervention from me. Thank God for small mercies.

Oh, and today marks 10 years since Rich and I started dating. I wish I could take my boy out for a luxurious dinner over which we could drink wine and reflect on the past decade, then maybe take a stroll through the neighborhood in the cold night and talk about the fact that we started in Tallahassee, FL and here we are now in New York City and all the places in between. Instead, we will probably order in, watch a movie and pray that the baby sleeps more than 3 hours "tonight".

Whew

2007-01-06T09:35:00.000-08:00

It's been ages since I last posted and in that time I have discovered more people who read my blog than I thought making me feel a bit guilty that this page has been dormant for so long. First of all, Happy New Year. Better late than never. The last month was filled with preparing for our trip to Florida for Christmas. Christmas shopping isn't easy with an infant so it was spread out over a few weeks and done in small increments. The plane ride down was unbelievably easy with him. We stood in line at Newark for over an hour and a half, were delayed at the gate for 1/2 hour, delayed on the runway for over an hour and then had a 2+ hour trip and Theo was an angel the entire time, sleeping for all but maybe 30 minutes of the whole process. We spent 4 1/2 days in Jupiter with the Bonneaus, then Christmas Eve we flew up to Jacksonville - again, slept almost the entire time from check-in to arrival. We then spent another 4 days with my family which went by way to fast for me. Saw my mom, my brother, my dad and Susan came in from Austin, Theo met his great-grandfather and namesake, saw some of my best friends including Kelly B. and her girls, Kelly Roberts and John, Ama, Nick and his girlfriend Tatjana, Brian and Sheila and , of course, our Kiki whom we are spoiled enough to see pretty regularly in New York too. Theo was doted upon by everyone - aunts, uncles, cousins, friends and of course, grandparents. He held up pretty well in the hubbub but I could watch him begin to melt down as he got passed around from person to person - good with the first person, a little fussy with the next and downright pissed by the next and last person. Christmas night he had his first real major meltdown at my Aunt Daria's house just in time for dinner. He was inconsolable. We even took him around the neighborhood in the car which did quiet him down for a bit but didn't put him to sleep which is what he needed. Finally after an hour he was tired and hungry enough to nurse (he was so upset he wouldn't even do that before). He finally fell asleep and I sat pinned to the couch refusing to move for the next 3 hours until it was time for us to go home. Wow. It was something else.

We have been back for about a week now. Rich and I spent New Year's playing Scrabble (I won, ahem) and then collapsed in bed shortly after midnight. A few days later our friends Eric and Ana came for a short visit en route from San Fran to Dresden where they will be working at the Max Planck Institute for the next year. Hopefully we will find the time and money for a visit while they are there.

So now here we are in January of 2007. Many new things lie ahead for us. There are so many milestones in the first year: he's already getting close to rolling over, then we have crawling, eventually walking, teeth, solid food, laughter, playing, sitting up, maybe some early words. It's going to be a big year.

He's awake now so I must end this but I will try to be better about keeping this thing up to date.

One year

2006-11-28T08:12:00.000-08:00

One year ago today Rich and I landed at JFK Airport with our cats and a couple of suitcases and arrived in New York City, our new home. I wish I could say that I have taken advantage of all that this city has to offer and maybe getting pregnant two months later is a lame excuse, but it definitely cut into my nightlife. So here are some lists:

A few fun things I have done since moving to NYC:

Christmas in New York - it really is spectacular. The tree and the ice skating at Rockefeller Center, the lights, the chill in the air, the insane shoppers, the craft fairs - it's all pretty incredible.
Museums - MOMA, P.S. 1, the Museum of Natural History
Brooklyn - Park Slope, Williamsburg, Green Point
Enjoyed a massive snow storm. I haven't had one of those since I left Boston in 1996.
Went to the ballet
Have been to three Broadway shows and was inspired by one (Sweeney Todd)
Been to DC, Philly and Boston for day/weekend trips
Seen a lot of family and friends passing through town or who can now make quick weekend trips because it's closer and cheaper than flying to Seattle!
July 4th - free live Belle & Sebastian and a rooftop party

Things I love about New York:

The skyline
Being able to get food from anywhere in the world and have it delivered
Walking everywhere
Donut Plant
Gelato
People come to visit you in New York (is Seattle really that far away?)
The kindness of strangers
The subway
Its multiculturalism
The shops
Central Park
The Arch in Washington Square
Random celebrity sightings
The architecture
Walking through the West Village

Things I hate about New York:

The smells
Rude people
People who don't know how to walk down a friggin' sidewalk
The subway
Not having laundry in my apt/house (this has become particularly apparent with the arrival of Theo the Spit-up King)
Grocery shopping
I can't afford most of the shops
The price of real estate
Not feeling safe enough to ride my bike to the bike trails!

So there's a rough summary. I think I have more positives than negatives. Is this where I want to stay forever? I don't think so. I should have lived here in my 20s. Now, with Theo in the picture, there is a lot to think about. Is it an even exchange for him to be able to visit some of the best museums in the world and be exposed to almost every culture in the world but not be able to ride a bike around his neighborhood or go play in the backyard? I'm not so sure. Maybe sometime in the next few years we'll be able to buy a weekend place in the country . Until then, we are here for the next few years at least so we will do our best to make the most of it and make sure we take more weekend trips out of the city so Theo gets a proper appreciation for the great outdoors and doesn't begin to believe what other native New Yorkers seem to think: that New York is the center of the universe.

Homesick

2006-11-27T07:05:00.000-08:00

It's the eve of our one year anniversary of moving to New York City and I am finding myself missing Seattle just as much as ever. Oddly enough, I was listening to KEXP this morning and John was talking about the weather - cold and snowy. I hate snow, I hate cold and yet the memories of those days in Seattle gave me a jab of sadness. It's always fleeting, that kind of weather so I found I could enjoy it more knowing it would only be around for a day or two. I do like living in New York and even as I sat there nursing Theo and thinking about all the fun things we can do here when he's older like visiting all the museums, I still miss Seattle. I miss the Burke-Gilman Trail, I miss the trees, the tulips and daffodils in the spring, the mountains on a sunny day, the water, and even though I can see the Empire State Building and the Chrysler Building from the window of my apartment, I miss the freakin' Space Needle in my skyline. And then there are the friends. Janet and Nitin have a baby girl who is two months older than Theo and with both Nitin and Rich going to Vegas this weekend for Huda's bachelor party, I wish Janet and I could have a baby slumber party weekend. So, Kelly, don't beat yourself up so much over missing Portland. The Pacific NW is an amazing place to live so it's OK to miss it as much as we do.

Tomorrow I will try to write about all the things I love about living in New York City and what I have to look forward to in the years to come. But today, today I miss Seattle.

Funny, the things you miss

2006-11-22T07:39:00.000-08:00

It's the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and I find myself missing a day job. There is something about this time of year that is so evocative. When one has a regular schedule like school or a job, this time of year is palpable. There is an excitement and eagerness in the air. People are leaving town, making plans, they are distracted, things start to slow down as the year comes to a close and people begin to give up on getting much done between now and the January. Everyone is looking forward to time off work whether they are going to see family, friends or just getting away for a few days. I haven't worked in a year. Weird. I feel funny saying that because I never thought there would be a time when I wouldn't be working but we moved to NY and my goal was to focus on getting myself familiar with the acting and teaching scene. I launched into things full force but then pregnancy came along and everything was thrown. Now, I'm a stay-at-home mom and while what I do is certainly work, I miss the comraderie of a workplace and, ironically, the feeling of preparing to go on vacation from the workplace.